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boldlyanxious · 3 years ago

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Life of bee Party

Jasonette July prompt 13: bee

Jasonette July

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Marinette already could tell this would be a bad idea. She wasn’t really in the mood for a party at all and definitely not a costume party. But she was dragged along without consideration to her protests. Her friends told her she just needed to have a good time. As if that would make everything in her life magically better. Things were not going well for her and she just wanted to mope about it. She ended up working in the mail room at the lowest level of a billion dollar corporation instead of doing anything else she had ever dreamed of.

Her friends worked there with her but they were mostly secretaries on the various floors. None of them were very high up either but they all shared a love of nice clothes. Jill worked at the coffee shop in the building so they all interacted a lot during the day. Coffee breaks were all taken together and sometimes Marinette would deliver coffees on her mail runs. It worked out pretty well.

They had gone to the party as a group. It was something in between the wild college parties she had seen and the grown up parties she had always expected she would be attending by this age. There was food and someone mixing drinks to go along with the selection of beers rather than only a keg and counters filled with forgotten red cups. Not even everyone at the party was dressed up making Marinette feel silly in her bee costume that was made from not enough cheap fabric. The other girls already had several costumes to choose from but Connie was the same size as her and offered her bee costume.

Not actually an offer. They insisted she come and insisted that she dress up also. They stood outside the door while she had put on the costume and Sylvie had hidden her clothes so she had to wear it. Usually she would not be so grumpy about things but she had tried again to apply at a fashion school. She just got her rejection in the mail today. She didn’t even tell anyone she had applied for which she was grateful. She didn’t want to have to see the pity in their eyes or hear how it would be okay because she was up for a promotion soon. She downed the rest of her drink and turned to find another. She had lost all of her friends to the party and she chose to mope in the kitchen rather than meeting more drunk people.

“Hey Honey,” a voice said near her.

She glanced over at the man and rolled her eyes. He was picking on her costume when he had only bothered to put on a mask around his eyes. It was somehow both worse than not dressing up and worse than picking a costume to wear. He knew to dress up but he hadn’t even made an attempt. He just put on a cheap mask. She smiled as she took the drink from the bartender and walked away from him. He picked up a new beer and followed her.

“Would you bee interested in a dance?” he asked.

“No thank you,” Marinette said simply.

He didn’t follow this time so she found a place to sit away from the others and keep an eye out for her friends. She really wished she had chosen to meet them here. She could have left by now. But she left her purse at Connie’s and planned to take a cab with Sylvie because they lived in the same complex. She pulled out her phone and played a game for a while. Connie stopped by after a bit and made her dance. She wasn’t into it enough so they took shots and tried again. Marinette danced until she was breathing hard and it was actually helping her mood. The others had joined them and they were causing a bit of a scene but none of them cared. They just wanted to have a good time.

Marinette went back to the kitchen to get them all some waters and she ran into the same man on her way back. He grinned when he saw her headed his way. She wished she could get there without passing the annoying man. He even approached her and took the waters from her leaving her with only the one for her. He motioned for her to lead the way. Her friends did not seem put out to see her return with another. Actually they all seemed to know him from work. Sylvie even turned to wink at her behind his back and give her a thumbs up. He looked over at Sylvie and then smirked as if he knew exactly what happened. Jill slyly asked him if he was planning to ask anyone to dance.

“I did ask someone to dance but she wasn’t interested. I’ve seen her around the office before but I don’t think she has even noticed me even though I find her beewitching.”

Her friends all looked at her in shock, but she pretended not to notice. She sipped her drink and watched the crowd. They went through the process of introductions and he talked to her friends for a few minutes while they all tried to flirt with him. Marinette wasn’t sure if they were actually flirting with him or trying to convince her she wanted to flirt with him but she was not in the mood right now. He excused himself after a few minutes without bothering Marinette any further.

She didn’t see him for a couple hours after that. Many of the people had left the party or found places to chill and sober up before they went home. She went back to the kitchen. She was long over the desire for drinking. She was hungry and the offered foods were long gone. She poked through the cupboards and didn't find much but the fridge had eggs and cheese.

She didn't know whose house it was but she hadn't brought and money so she hoped they wouldn't mind her taking some eggs to keep her stomach settled. She looked around for a good pan and spatula. She mixed the eggs and heated butter in the pan before adding the egg. Carefully she cooked the egg continually moving the sides in to let the egg run down to the hot pan. When it was all cooked on the bottom she loosened it from the sides of the pan before swirling it around and flicking her wrist to make the whole thing flip at once.

"Very nicely done," said Jason.

She jumped in surprise and turned to him. He turned away from her flushed face and opened a cabinet while she added cheese and turned off the burner.

"Did you guess the right cupboard on the first try or have you been here before?"

"I live here. So I already knew."

He handed her a plate and she tipped the omelet out of the pan.

"Oh, I may have stolen your food a bit."

"I'm not worried about a couple eggs. I was trying to think of a way to convince you to make me one without seeming helpless. Omelets are my downfall."

"It takes some practice. My Nonna taught me. I could make another but it's also probably more than I need. Would you want half?"

"That works great." He paused for a moment while the food was divided before adding. "You aren't having a good time."

"It's not because of the party. I was already feeling down and I feel silly in this outfit."

"I probably have some clothes you could wear and I would do anything I could think of to cheer you up."

"How do you know me from work if I don't see you? I thought I knew everyone."

"It's my job to see everything. You are just the most fun to notice."

Marinette wasn't sure how to respond to that. But he moved along in the conversation. He picked up their empty plates and had her follow him.

"I'm pretty sure I've got a couple things that were left here by my brother's girlfriend. Should be close enough to fit you."

"I would really like that. I think our driver might be out for the night. She fell asleep."

Jason had her follow him and he checked a couple spots until he comes up with clothes he thought would fit her. Marinette went off to change but he showed up again after. He offered her a water and they sat on an unoccupied couch.

"Are you still feeling a buzz?" Jason asked.

"You think you're funny."

Marinette lifted her foot nudged his leg but she lifted her cup to hide her smile.

"You seem in a better mood. I hope that means good things for me."

"I'm not sure. You seem awfully fond of puns. Maybe you just like to hear me groan."

"I would never use a pun again just to see your smile."

Marinette leaned close to him.

"What would you do for a kiss?"

"Anything."

He leaned down towards her until their lips met.

Taglist

#jasonette july 2021 #maribat #jasonette #meet cute #boldlyanxious

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nyan-koii · 3 years ago

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Hashira ft. Sabito as genshin impact players

aunotes : Bad grammar ahead! I didnt proofread it so be aware of brain damage. plus i initially wrote it at the 1.6 update

PART 1 : T.Muichiro, R.Kyojuro, K.Shinobu, S.Sanemi, U.Tengen

Muichiro : he probably would be uninterested at first. He's more to first person shooting game or anything other than this concept of farming or investing. So that's why when he saw yuichirou banging his fist on his desk, trying to get his fav character, he would simply just watch

"Fck this game, i've had enough,"

"But you havent finish your wishing things yet,"

Stares. "How about you give it a try mui. You might get the character i want,"

"You sure about that? You might get angry at me," "better than nothing. Now go go, get em you donkey,"

His first ten pulls on the game brings out a light we all want to see

"Eh is tha-" "AAAA A FUCKING 5 STAR FCK FCKFCK,"

Apparently, it was one of the luckiest wish yuichiro had ever seen so far

"OHMYFUCK, you GOT A GODDAMN KLEE, QIQI AND SUCROSE WTFF???"

"I think i get your fav character?"

"Yeahh!! More than that to be honest. I want klee but you brought me two more person," sniffles and cries "you're really lucky mui. You should try and play the game,"

"It's probably the system. I doubt im that lucky tho,"

Nah, he really is lucky. Apparently he wished for his friends and got what they all really wanted for so long

"Thank you for getting me the aquila favonia, muichiro,"

"It's nothing really. I just simply press the button. It might be the system that's giving you the thing you want when i wish,"

"But still, even if i were to wish, i can get really scared and paranoid over it,"

"That's bad. You shouldnt invest yourself that much in the game tanjiro. It's just a game,"

"Ehehehe, i guess so. But you're really good at it muichiro! If you download it, we can play together :D!"

!!!!

It took the word "play together" to get muichiro down on his knee for that game. Usually the idea of playing with your friends is not that interesting. So when tanjiro said that, you bet he's going to play it

Type of player

Extremely lucky it's not even real. He got a five star on the beginner's banner

Fast farming. He probably will complete all the quest and become an endgame player within one month

"I just wanted to play with tanjiro..." bashfully

He's really good with whatever he's doing. Attack combo, dodging, elemental reaction and all sorts of stuff. If he invest more of his time on artifacts, he would probably even one shot it!!

He's very lucky. Very

Kyojuro : he wouldnt even know the existence of this game. Well, he took a glimpse of it one day and boom, heart stolen. Maybe it was the fiery burning passion in bennett that made him play the game.

'oh wow!! What a determined young boy! Even though he has a very bad luck he still keep pushing forward! Amazing!!'

'I want to be like him'

Kyojuro's the type of player to read and pay attention to every single lore of his fav character. Bennett, oh my how he wish he could've had bennett in his team. Every wishes he made would make him a c6 bennett main if only barbara wont stop coming home

"I really like you barbara but i dont want you!! Thank you for the c6 though!! I promise to use you in the future but just-" he prepares to wish

"not NOW!!" Clicks

The highest con of bennett he had ever gotten is probably c1. One day the paimon's bargain shop offered bennett as their monthly character. Kyojuro had never been so excited over a game before. He usually perks up over academics and not this kind of thing. But it's bennett, the character he admires the most.

Unfortunately he couldnt get it due to low currency. He had never feel so sad in his life.

"I shall not give up. Dont worry, i will be a c6 bennett main!!!"

He will be a c6 bennett haver!!

Type of player :

Carefully reads every stories and listens to their lines attentively. He finds it amazing how the company spent their everything on this game. It amazes him. From the stories, lores and lines, he truly appreciates it.

Balance his team pretty well. He mains bennett so he doesnt need that much of a healer in his team.

Enjoys bennett's hangout very much!! He tried to not get him killed by the dungeon's trap but ended up having to sacrifice him which ultimately ends the route. He had never felt so down and guilty before.

Not much of a damage dealer. He prefers to play it in normal mode and doesnt care that much about one shotting monster.

He feeds his character three meals a day!! If only there's a sleep option, he would be sending bennett to sleep first before the rest.

Everyone loves his teapot

Shinobu : found the game while she's scrolling through the app store out of boredom. Initially she played it on her phone but due to the fps and a really bad ping, so bad that douma wouldnt find her interesting anymore, she finally downloaded the game on her pc where things has starting to get real

"Ara, shinobu chan, it's lunch time already. Come downstairs please,"

"Sis give me five more minutes, JUST FIVE PLEASE I NEED TO KICK CHILDE's ASS,"

"he's not going anywhere sweetie,"

"yEAHH BUT MY BP IS,"

'Bp?'

"DIE DIE DIE!!" Aggresive clicking intensifies

"Shinobu chan dont hurt the keyboard that much!!"

She got lucky on the beginner's banner too and pulled a 5 star along with bennett and noelle. Who's the 5 star? Diluc Ragnvindr in all of his glory. Shinobu benched him sadly. She prefers sword over any other weapon

"I mean he's cool i guess but i just really dont get that 'WOAHHH COOL' vibe from him you know?"

"then give your diluc to me! I really want him so bad shinobu chan!"

Deep sighs "yeah sure. You can have my c2 diluc mitsuri..."

Loses 50/50 to diluc everytime everyone would think she either is lucky or cursed by the amount of that man greeting him on the screen. She still bench him though, sadly

"Im begging you, give me jEANN THE GRANDMASTER I NEED HEALER iN MY PARTY TO DO ABYSS

Type of player :

Suffers a lot in the abyss because she just want the primos which is a valid reason to do because that's the only thing that keeps her going

She's a sword character main. She'll properly build every character as either support or dps. The support would be kaeya and bennett, and her main dps ayaka

Ayaka main btw

Honestly at some point she wanted to quit the game because of how tiring it is but then inazuma came out

Fragile resin = 0

Resin = 160/160 happens once in a blue moon

"i should probably control myself with the amount of resin i've used,"

"But i cant,"

Hates domain but always can be seen playing in there

Only coops if mitsuri is there

"So that someone can calm me down,"

"That's not a really good reason shinobu chan,"

Sanemi : dude probably know the game through obanai. He watched the latter play and finds it interesting on how high the numbers he dealt. He loves challenges so a game like genshin impact would probably satisfy his need.

"Obanai, are you hearing this shit?"

"What is it sanemi, im busy doing this event,"

"That loser giyuu is also playing the game,"

"Oh yeah i know,"

"YOU KNOW? WHY YOU DIDNT TELL ME??"

"i just know right after you told me,"

"...."

Sanemi's a meta but a mediocre one. He's meta but he doesnt show it that much. Probably buys welkin once in every three months or when he really needs it same goes with battle pass too. Honestly, he really just use his money when he really needs something

"Donno if my allowance can buy me a welkin so i'll probably skip,"

"But the next banner is zhongli's,"

"....."

"Ah fuck it," buys

My man cant dodge after he got zhongli. Its very painful because he used to studies the enemies movement in the early game so that he can utilizes it on the team but zhongli's shield is so tank he forgot that dodging exists

"Im gonna kill you and you and you hhahaahhaah just you wait im gonna shred all of yo- oh shit zhongli's shield. puT IT BACK PUT IT BACK ON,"

That one event where zhongli's shield plays an important role in the domain? Yeah, he felt like a god at that time. Even got his c2 on his rerun. Sanemi just really like zhongli because it kinda reminds him of himejima. Calm and wise and strong too. He looks up on that kind of person

"Zhongli sama, im in debt for all of your hard work protecting my team," bows and wipes tears

Type of player :

Spends a little money on the game to get what he wants

Zhongli main

Is that one player that has hoards of food but doesnt even use it

"Why need healer when you have zhongli's shield,"

Compare to kyojuro, he doesnt even touch the teapot because he finds it ridiculous and bothersome to create and design everything in it

Loves one shotting bosses and compares it to giyuu. He ask for advices from obanai regarding team build supports and stuffs

Doesnt do character's story quest. The key is full every single time. He unlocks it but leaves the quest like that.

"Ah shit, i accidentally activate the quest,"

His friend list only has obanai in it. Whenever people sent him friend request, he wouldnt hesitate, more like wouldnt care to accept it

They either have to coop in obanai's world or his world and after that, unfriend immediately

Says thank you after coop because he has manners and then completely disappears

"Zhongli main forever,"

Tengen : played since 1.0 this madlad has been staying loyal to the game ever since. Quite huge amount of money he spend on this game to be honest but he never gets broke by it. You can see his regular donation to the game by purchasing welkin and battle pass and some genesis crystal too. He's loaded with money, he didnt know what to do with it.

Uzui also plays honkai impact and guns girl Z so when he saw the unknown god at the intro , he was not surprised.

"Oh we have to pick between the siblings? Cool cool co- oh hi kiana,"

"Thats so herrscher of void hahahahah,"

Although he is a loyal fan to MihoYo games, he lost his composure when he saw the 1st genshin anniversary reward because what was that. Imagine getting billions of money and they give us this? Tengen cant believe this shit

"Oh god wtf was that reward, i have to draw to get a welkin and some primos?? aND I ALSO HAVE TO BE LUCKY? WHAT-"

"WHERE'S MY FREE MONA,"

In need of mona. He needs mona so bad he literally spent his money on standard banner to get mona but always ends up with qiqi. Not that he's complaining but he just wants the astrologist to complete the support team

"GOD QIQI YOU AGAIN? WTF WFF WTF-" converts genesis crystal to primigems

"Tengen, you should control yourself!"

"SHUT UP KYOJURO, IM GONNA WASTE MY MONEY TILL I GET HER,"

"yeah but my f2p ass is hurting with how many bennett cons you got," droops

Tengen sees potential in every character. Everyone has their weakness and strength so when kokomi comes out, he diss her at first but then realize maybe its a new way for a character. Adds the uniqueness if he may say so.

"Meh i dont care honestly. You guys should pull whoever you find nice or beautiful. Like me ;)"

"Who do you main uzui?"

"Beidou,"

Type of player

Spoils the storylines, lores, leaks A LOT THE REST HAVE TO BLOCK HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Speed runs the game and has become an endgame player ever since but he still does his daily commission and helps people with domains and stuffs

R5 every battle pass weapon

Fights azhdaha for fun and to test out his characters rather than ruin guards and stuff

Mona wanter

Puts traveller as the pfp and doesnt display any showcase of his characters and namecards. You can only see his achievements and spiral abyss ( 12-3 ). Says its for fun and mystery

Throws a lot of pickup lines and roleplays a lot. Spams your chatbox messages with stickers and censored stuffs

Probably steals your ores and exotic things like violetgrass, qingxin and silk flowers

Screams in the chatbox whenever he saw Mona until Kyojuro had to calm him down

Changes signature every single time and sometimes put spoilers in it

In every survey he would complain "MihoYo where the fuck is my Mona,"

Doesnt heals his characters

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer hashira #kny hashira #tokitō muichirō #shinazugawa sanemi #shinobu kochou #uzui tengen #rengoku kyojuro #kamado tanjiro #kochou kanae #iguro obanai #demon slayer headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #hashira headcanons

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heungmins · 4 years ago

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HERE'S A 50 QUESTIONS INTERVIEW THAT HEUNGMIN DID 10 YEARS AGO !! [cries] enjoy bc i suffered way too much n you do too

Your given name - Son Heungmin.

Birthday - July 8th, 1992. I’m 19 in international age. Still pretty young, huh?

Nickname - Rocket, Hamburger Son, Smile man, and many more. I like the nickname Rocket the most.

Family - My parents and an older brother. My parents live in Germany and my brother lives in Chuncheon.

Religion - I have none.

Life motto - By practice rather than words. (or Actions speak louder than words)

Strengths/Weaknesses - I think my strength is my bright personality. My weakness would be how timid I am. I want to be more confident.

Words you like hearing the most? - You’re handsome. You’re cute.

People you have trouble talking to/make you uncomfortable - I get scared to talk to people who are conservative and blunt.

Your favourite song and singer - IU’s Good Day. I get embarrassed because I say this so often.

The thoughts that come to your mind when you look in the mirror while you get dressed - I want to have a better style of fashion.

Where do you see yourself after 10 years - I’m still young, you know. I want to be playing soccer still.

Are you dating anyone - Of course not. I only have soccer and the fans.

Your most prized possession - My iPad. I can’t put it down from my hands these days. It’s so fun to go on Twitter.

Your ideal type - A girl who’s cute and small, with a good personality. Oh, and cooks well. Am I being too picky?

Experience with blind dates? - Of course not. I’ve lived in Germany since I was so little.

When do you want to be married - Before I turn 30. (lmao f in the chat for min) I think the earlier it is, the better.

Do you believe in love at first sight? - Of course. I believe that it exists.

If you had to choose between someone you love and someone who loves you only, who would you choose. - The person who loves me only.

Something you hear a lot from someone of the opposite gender these days - Oppa. I can’t believe I’m getting called “oppa” already when I’m so young, haha.

Who do you play the soccer game Winning Eleven with the most in Germany - I don’t have friends in Germany so I play soccer games by myself. I’m bored. Do you want to play a round with me?

Things you do after practice - I clean my room while listening to music. I like everything being clean.

My final words would be - Save me. I don’t want to die yet TT.

Love or friendship - (After contemplating for a while) Love. I think love is the most important at the end of the day.

If you picked up 1 billion won(around 1 million dollars) on the street - I would donate five hundred million and keep the other five hundred million.

Your biggest interests right now - I love watching kpop idols right now. The drama “Dream High” is also very funny.

What would your final meal be - A course meal in an expensive restaurant. Or a lobster dish.

An ad that would be most fitting for me - Soccer cleats (is it called boots for you British people) or a car. My favourite things. But I don’t have a license yet.

Favourite celebrity - It’s not Goo Hara. It’s IU. (During the Qatar Asian Cup, there was a false rumour that Son Heungmin and Yoon-Bit Garam both liked Goo Hara and there was a weird sort of competition going on in the National Team.)

How long can you wait for someone - An hour at most. It would depend on who it was.

The most memorable trip that you’ve been on - The first sea I’ve been to, Sokcho in Gangwondo.

Another sport that you are good at, other than soccer - None. I guess running. I get around the end of 11 seconds, which isn’t bad.

A random word that comes to your mind right now - Winning Eleven. I want to play games.

3 things you need if you’re stranded alone on a deserted island - Food, Someone else, water. You could survive with those three, right?

How do you relieve stress - I sing loudly. I’m not very good though, haha.

Make a three-line acrostic poem with your name - I REFUSE TO TRANSLATE THIS !!! THE SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT !! it doesn’t even make sense in English anyway so TTTTT

Your biggest concern these days - Playing games (also could be ‘the number of games I play’). And scoring.

Your best friend in the national team - Jabongie(Jabong is a short form for volunteer) hyung Goo Ja chul. He’s so nice.

The funniest person recently - (Smiling widely) Cha Doori hyung. He has the “It’s because of the liver” effect right now. **It’s an ad that Cha Doori was in. Search up 간 때문이야 if you want to see it.

The quietest person on the national team - Lee Yongrae. He’s so silent.

If you could find someone in the TV program “Love on the Air”, who would you find - Woah, that’s a hard question. (Thinking for a while) Someone who was very sick in grade 1. I think his name was Kim Kwangrim. I hope he’s healthy and doing well now.

Three things that you like - Soccer, singing, video games.

Body parts that you’re most proud of - My nose and my teeth. Apparently they look good when I smile.

Things you look for when you go shopping - Pretty shoes. I really like shoes that come up to your ankles these days.

Someone on the team you want to get to know better - Defender Joris Mathijsen. We’re not awkward but I think it is necessary for us to be closer.

Someone you have trouble talking to - Hyungs who are a lot older than me. When I first came to the national team, it was really hard to talk to Lee Youngpyo and Lee Jungsoo. We’re close now. Don’t worry.

A club you want to retire at - A K-League team. My final moments in Korea.

A team you want to play in at least once in your career - Real Madrid. It’s the best team.

Your favourite non-Korean player - Christiano Ronaldo. He’s got everything.

Your least favourite non-Korean player - Klaas-Jan Huntelaar. When I watch him play, I get this weird frustration. I have nothing personal against him though.

#im about to take away his gay rights #but he was 19 i'll let it slide #son heungmin #heungmin son #sonny #tottenham #tottenham hotspur #rachel's translations !!

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heyheydidjaknow · 4 years ago

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Hiya! I have a request for an x reader songfic. Snap out of it by the Arctic monkeys gives me so many 2012 Donnie vibes. Maybe one where the reader is in love with Donnie but he likes April and the reader wants Donnie to, you know, "snap out of it" and notice that maybe April isn't the best person towards him. It can end in unrequited love or with a happy ending, that's for you to decide but I just really want to see this concept. Thanks! :>

(feel free to ignore this request if you want 👁️👁️)

Oh, I’m not about to turn away a chance to be pushed out into foreign territory. I admittedly hadn’t known what a songfic was until wikipedia and @kunimikat saved my ass, so this was fun-- and a bit scary-- to write. I hope you like it, even if it might not have been exactly what you were expecting.

April was your friend. She had been for a while, now, since she had moved to NYC. The two of you had come even closer after her kidnapping and initiation into the “Hamato Clusterfuck” as you had affectionately called it at first—you had wisely made a conscious effort to only get involved with them as far as you could throw them, sticking solidly to offering emotional support and half-decent food. At the beginning, you had, on multiple occasions, even begged her to stay out of it, trying to reason with her that getting herself killed by a psychotic armored man with an axe to grind for the crime of hanging out with four teenage shut-ins was an incredibly bad idea. When your logical arguments fell on deaf ears—her owing them apparently being her ball and chain—you had designated yourself as her supervisor to make sure she did not do something overly impulsive. She was reckless, overly trusting, immature, but you loved her like a sister. You balanced each other out.

One of the benefits of knowing someone for so long is that you learn things about them that they do not know about themselves. In April’s case, it had been that she was terrible at making up her mind

What's been happenin' in your world?

You had borne witness to the love triangle transpiring between Donatello Hamato, Casey Jones and her for the better part of a year now. You were relieved that the two boys had backed off each other’s throats somewhat over the period, but it was as infuriating as it was fascinating to watch them fight over her like a chew toy. Of course, April had her preference between the two, favoring the hockey player mainly for his general normalcy, which was a decision you could approve of, but she had hesitated until recently to make that obvious to the other point because, in her words, “The last thing I want is to deal with is all of that awkwardness.” You could hardly blame her for her hesitation, but you thought it almost cruel not to make her feelings apparent to her lovestruck puppy.

What have you been up to?

Donnie was the most tolerable of the five, the most normal in your opinion. He was an infatuated, insecure teenage boy with more an affinity towards machines and, best of all, seemed concerned for your friend, all things that you could get on board with. In your opinion, overbearingness is preferable to negligence in this case, and you were just happy that someone physically capable had her back. As such, when you were stuck at the lair for hours waiting for her lessons with Splinter to be over—you were her ride—you found yourself spending the most time around him, and as time went on, you started going out of your way to do so.

Seeing as April and Casey were your only other friends, it was natural you would get romantically attached. They—a couple by high school standards—approved of your crush, and all you told your guardian(s) was that they were smart, fit, and financially responsible, so they asked few questions.

You knew, logically, this was not a competition and that April had little interest in him.

But something about the way he gazed at her made you burn green with envy.

I heard that you fell in love, or near enough.

His eyes were just so… wistfully longing. He watched as the redhead and her boyfriend played against Michelangelo and Raphael in a game of charades. His expression was just so soft, lips pursing and popping silently as he grieved from his seat in his lab.

It had been a downhill spiral on your end from there, and as your own attachment grew for him, his own depression worsened. Your eyes drifted from your friend as you tried to make him see that, no, the world was not ending because his first crush did not like him back. You would make subtle comments about how happy his brothers were, how happy she and Casey were together, how smart he was and how many people would die for a kind, loving, smart guy to come around and sweep them off their feet. This, again, fell on deaf ears; he would always comment on how, if he were such a catch, April would not have chosen Casey, like It is his fault for her having more of a taste in cocky, fun-loving guys than intelligent ones. Half of it was probably your lack of experience in subtlety, but no matter what you would try to say, whenever romance came up in conversation, his words turned sharp and bitter.

On that day, you just cracked.

I gotta tell you the truth.

You walked over to the lab door, closing it in a single fluid motion. ‘I’m better at being blunt, anyways.’

He blinked; his trance was interrupted by the small slam.

“She’s not into you.”

“Huh?”

You crossed the room and placed your hand on the desk, expression stern and stone cold. “April,” you repeat. “She’s not interested.”

He did not meet your gaze. “You don’t know that.”

“I do, actually.” You leaned down to look him in the eye. “You aren’t her type. You’re supposed to be smart.” You placed the other on the back of his chair, arms cagging him in, almost. “ She has a boyfriend,” you continued, softer. “You know that, right?”

“I do.” He tapped the side of his thumb against the table absently, throat tight. “But what else do you suppose I do? Submit to the fact that I’ll be alone forever?” He looked up at you. “I know this may be hard for you to believe,” he continued, easily slipping out from under your arms, “but I don’t exactly have a ton of options. She’s the only person who’s ever looked at me like that; how am I supposed to move on from the only person who’s ever even given me a chance?”

I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake, baby.

You rolled your eyes, turning to watch him as he crossed to the other side of the room. “That is some blatant bullshit,” you glared curtly.

“Is it, though?” His back was to you as he crouched down in front of his centrifuge, fiddling with it. “As someone who’s never—”

“So help me, if you go off about me not understanding being rejected and feeling like they’d die alone, I’ll rip your tongue out.” You stood back up properly.

“What would you know about it?” He followed suit, eyes locking on yours. “You have other people to choose from.”

“And you don’t?” You crossed your arms, smiling incredulously. “How do we differ, exactly?”

“Besides the obvious?”

You scoffed. “You’ve seen your brothers. Never stopped them.”

“And I’m happy for them, that they’re so charismatic as to be able to find partners so easily.” You could taste the bitterness in his words. “But I’m not them, in case you didn’t notice. That girl out there?” He pointed to the door. “She’s the first and only person in the universe who’s ever given me a second glance.”

“So you’re just fucking blind, now?” You heard your voice rise without your input.

“What’re you talking about?” His voice grew with yours.

“You’re lovesick,” you spat. “Snap out of it.”

Snap out of it.

You ran your fingers through your hair. “Or maybe you’re just dense.” You felt a laugh rise in your throat. “I mean,” you gestured, “clearly picking up on verbal subtext isn’t your forte.”

You gave him five seconds. “What,” you continued, rubbing your face with your hands, “Are you—” You stopped. “You are, aren’t you?”

Nothing.

You took a slow breath, hearing your heartbeat in your ears. “Let me put it in simple, plain English for you.”

I get the feelin' I left it too late, but baby—

“As her friend? You’re a fucking creep.” You crossed your arms across your chest. “Following her the way you did—wait your turn—” A finger interrupted his defense. “Following her the way you did? Objectively creepy. Staring at her all the time? Also fucking creepy.” You felt your nails dig into your skin. “Any person would call it as it is.”

He opened his mouth again to argue. You did not interrupt him this time, but he did not argue, the silence falling like a weighted blanket over the two of you.

“As your friend,” you continued, voice lowered, “as someone who cares about you, I know April, and she can’t give you what you want. It’s not her; she needs to be free, and I love her, but you’re looking for something that’s just not there.” Your voice was certain. “You’re looking for someone to spend your life with. I’m right, aren’t I?”

Snap out of it.

He was still for a moment, looking off into the ether. He nodded, face melancholy.

You walked over, resting a hand on his shoulder tentatively. “I’m not saying it’s stupid of you to not be over her. Again, I love her to bits, so I see the appeal.” You broke eye contact, trying to articulate exactly what you meant. “But I’m worried,” you explained slowly, “you’re only hung up on her because you’re scared of being alone. That’s not fair to her or yourself.”

“Do you know that?”

“No,” you admitted easily, “but you and I are the same way, and trust me, I’ve been around the heartbreak block.” You smiled, trying to relieve the tension.

That earned a chuckle. A small one, but a chuckle none the less.

You reached up, cupping his cheek in your hand. “There are seven billion people on this planet. Any one of them—myself included—would be lucky to have a life with you.”

If that watch don’t continue to swing—

A pause.

“Do you honestly believe that?”

You nodded, your thumb running along the line of his eye socket. “I do.”

—or the fat lady fancies havin' a sing—

You leaned forward, pressing your lips against his cheek gently.

—I'll be here, waitin' ever so patiently—

“Y/N!” You pulled back as you heard April calling your name. “We need a moderator!”

You started back towards the door, waving gently. “I wish you good tidings, Donatello.” You smiled quietly, serenity itself standing in the doorway. “May whoever is fortunate enough to call you their own bring you happiness. You deserve it.” You slipped out of his lab, running over to break them up.

Donatello rested his fingers on where your mouth had lit his skin. He felt a bittersweet smile fade onto his face.

—for you to snap out of it.

And that was when it began.

List of Works

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chongoblog · 4 years ago

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Zero Time Dilemma Review/Ramble

Okay, so if you’ve been following me, you know that I’ve gotten into the Zero Escape series, famous for 999 and Virtue’s Last Reward, streaming both games. I recently took the time to experience the last game, Zero Time Dilemma by watching cutscenes rather than playing it proper mostly because A) I heard it was REALLY dark and didnt want to risk it on Twitch and B) I wanted to experience it more freely like while I’m at work.

After experiencing it. I have......feelings about it. And because there’s MASSIVE spoilers involved, I’m making it its own post under the ReadMore below.

tl;dr LOADS of bullshit, flawed execution, and stupid decisions, but still REALLY enjoyed it

Okay so a LOT of this is going to be complaining, and like I said in the tl;dr I still legit enjoyed this game, so I’m gonna make this a compliment sandwich by saying something nice now, loading up on complaints, then ending with more compliments. Carlos is good. So is Sean. Sigma being voiced by Matthew Mercer actually makes him more interesting imo. I REALLY like Phi’s new design and the way they build on the initial concepts brought up in VLR more accurately portray the ideas that started all the way back in 999, that being the idea of taking thoughts across timelines, just like the player. From the beginning, the theme/gimmick was always “what if your character remembered information when you savescummed?” In 999 that began as flashes of information, and in VLR the characters’ consciousness actually time traveled at the very end. ZTD now uses the idea of the consciousness traveling across time and space and RUNS with it. I also think that Delta has a cool design.

I’ll be nice again later, but now for the things I Did Not Like.

Emo Moody Junpei makes sense from a writing standpoint, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him. Maybe I just got spoiled since Evan Wilson did a spectacular job with his deliveries in 999 and in ZTD it seems like his soul got sucked out. Not the fault of the delivery as much as it is the writing. Eric is bad, and I feel like that statement isn’t controversial. I don’t think anyone likes Eric, and if you do, then sorry for shitting on him so much, but god I just don’t like him. And the abusive childhood thing doesn’t give me a drop of sympathy, but then again I’ve always hated the writing trick that “this person is shitty and pathetic but it’s because abuse!” (see also Mikan). Diane is boring (sorry).

But I fuuuuuckin HATE Mira. I hate Mira so much. Like, at first I thought she’d be alright, yeah she’s definitely The Boob Character™, but I liked Lotus well enough and Alice grew on me significantly, so I don’t see why Mira won’t. Then she’s like “surprise I’m a serial killer”. Now if they just made her a serial killer, it would be kinda boring so I’m glad they TRIED something new. I just think the result was bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Like....”hmm I never felt any emotions so when my mom told me they were kept in hearts I just ripped em out of people :)” is some garbage I’d write in middle school when I felt especially edgy. Also yeah seems p ableist. I won’t go too deeper into Mira, since she’s a sociopath and I don’t know enough about the actual disorder to put a candle to the real thing, but....bleh.

I won’t touch on THIS aspect for too long because I’m aware that it had barely any budget and it wouldn’t have happened without a kickstarter (don’t know the details), but the animation is just....so stiff. It really takes away from the dramatic impact some scenes are meant to have. But even IF the animation wasn’t stiff, I still am not a big fan of the darker and moodier direction it went. Although that’s moreso down to personal preference. Final note about the presentation (which is by far the game’s weakest aspect) is that I noticed multiple points in the sound mixing got to nearly Sonic Adventure 2 levels of being unable to understand what people were saying.

Alright. Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Let’s talk about Delta. This is going to make up a MAJORITY of this post so strap in.

Delta is a meme. There’s no other way to say it briefly. He’s just such a huge fucking meme. Almost everything about him, from his plan to his “complex” motives to his backstory to his powers. I mentioned liking his design, but fuck it. That’s a meme now too. Delta is the stupidest part of the game, and as much as I kind of love it, I also need to complain about it.

First let’s talk about Delta’s plan (because it starts with the nicest part of this segment). His motives are “complex” which is actually greek for “he’s probably either a liar, an idiot, or both”. I said there was nice things, so I’ll start with those. The very ending’s “ah ah ah. I never killed any of you in this timeline. If you arrested someone for crimes of another history, there would be criminals everywhere” was something I actually legitimately enjoyed. Yeah, intent was still there and he’s still a bastard (plus there was kidnapping and non-consensual drugging involved so kind of a stupid take), but I still thought it was a fun attempt. And also the “I had to make sure I was born” thing is a mindfuck, and I love those. Basically the first retort is “well I’m alive, right? So I don’t need to make sure I was born with powers because I WAS born with powers, which means it happened in another universe. So I don’t have to.” Only to then realize that we’re just in the universe where he DID do that but then the only justification is “someone had to” right? Wrong. Let’s talk about the rest of his “complex” motives

So I give a pass to “I had to make sure I was born”, but now we see why he had to do this whole deal and what he declares at the end of the game. That there’s some religious fanatic who intends to blow up the world and completely end humanity. And he released Radical-6 in the VLR timeline hoping that it would kill the terroris only killing 4 billion people instead of 6 billion people. In the timeline at the end of ZTD, he says that they had used this experience to hone the skills of the Shifters that way they could use their newly honed take down the religious fanatic WITHOUT Radical-6 and save the world.

What?

Now......before I tear into this.....I have ONE nice thing to say. The “unleash radical 6 and kill 4 billion vs let a terrorist end humanity” gambit IS cleverly foreshadowed with the radical 6 decision game with Q Team. But also wouldn’t that have made, like 1800 times more narrative sense to give that decision game to team D who KNOWS the impact of radical 6, or team C who he explains this plan to later on? Damn, even my nice thing was backhanded. Alright let’s REALLY tear into it.

FIRST of all, this is the exact same plot of Virtue’s Last Reward. Only difference is that somehow Akane and Junpei are just as skilled at this technique as Sigma and Phi despite the latter going to do Moon Training (granted the moon training was also to give them enough of a jump to go back 45 years). Speaking of Virtue’s Last Reward, this game also reveals that Delta is Brother, the leader of Free the Soul. A group of religious fanatics. So I wouldn’t be especially shocked if the religious fanatic is working with Free the Soul. But for the sake of this argument, let’s just say they aren’t with FtS. How in the Flavor-Blasted FUCK does he know this? Did somebody Shift back from that timeline and then just get Mind hacked (and we’ll fUCKING talk about Mind Hacking dont you worry)? How would that be the only piece of information known about the end of the god damn world? And if there IS more, then why the fuck wouldn’t you tell them the information? How does he know that it’s inevitable when apparently a god damn snail can unleash Radical-6?

I call bullshit on the “religious fanatic” thing. Wanna know why? Because at this point, Delta had already founded Free The Soul. He started this shit in 1938. At this point in time, he and the rest of the Free the Soul had already kidnapped Alice’s dad to create clones of his dead brother. He was pushing for a new world order and then in the VLR timeline, tried to PREVENT this whole thing from happening by sending Dio to the Moon. So if he actually gave a shit about “honing their abilities” then why would he do everything in his power to stop it? There is ONE out that there can be, but it’s something not even HINTED at (and I’ll talk about this later), but I think that "religious fanatic” is a big ol’ lie that he made up to try and save face when he was faced with a consequence, but even that explanation makes no sense since he’s like “lol shoot me if u wanna I wont mind hack you”

And let’s talk about mind hacking. Let’s fucking talk about Mind Hacking. Adding Mind Hacking was stupid, completely pointless, out of left field, and actively makes Delta a worse character. For those that don’t know, Mind Hacking is an ability that only Delta has (and I guess the player character technically but that’s a whole meta thing from VLR that doesn’t get followed up on) where you can read people’s minds and also fuckin control them. Why? Why was this necessary, ZTD? You wanna know what I thought was really neat? When I saw that different timelines produced different X-Codes. I thought “oh shit, I know this is Game Stuff, but the sheer foresight of the villain to do that? That’s some Moriarty shit.” It would require some insane explanations, but we’ve had enough sci-fi that we could imagine with enough advanced tech, you could set up systems that could use conditionals to give certain responses based on certain outcomes. Like if someone dies after the decontamination room button is pressed, then the central computer outputs a different X-Code than if it’s after the initial vote. Just make up a new tech that accounts for Shifting (plus the QUANTUM COMPUTER you have RIGHT THERE) and you could make a villain with so much calculated foresight that he’s just a god damn genius. But no. Mind hacking. None of that interesting stuff, just “lol I read ur mind idiot”. No outwitting anyone, just “lol get mindhacked eric u scrub bang bang”.

Honest to god, honest to FUCKING god, do you want to know how cool the final cutscene would have made Delta look if he walked out and just KNEW what happened in another timeline because of his plans. Like everyone recognizes him as Delta and he just goes “ohoho I see you had a fun time in my other timeline” using that deduction alone. But nah, he’s just like “yo I just mindhacked y’all, nice experience y’all had” I hate mind hacking so much. There’s no part of his plan where he NEEDED to mind hack in order to succeed that could have been written without mind hacking.

Now there’s a bit of a missed opportunity here that could both make mind hacking relevant, made his motive not shit, and also maybe even developed him into a SUPER interesting character! I know this is a bit fanfic-y, but hear me out. Make Delta a VICTIM of the stable time loop/bootstrap paradox. For those who don’t know, the bootstrap paradox is when time travel makes certain events happen seemingly out of thin air since they are their own cause. Basically it’s this clip from Milo Murphy. This is something that seems like it’s KINDA there in the subtext, but if they actually dove into it, they could have a GOLD mine.

What if we keep the mindhacking, and before he even MAKES Free the Soul, he mindhacks someone who experienced the events of the “religious fanatic”. But not just anyone. An experienced SHIFTer who made it their goal to stop this religious fanatic. After hundreds of attempts, they still fail. Delta sees this and determines it to be inevitable. So he’s having fun, cursed by the knowledge of an inevitable apocalypse. Then he meets Akane, Phi, Sigma, or Junpei after they had undergone the events of VLR and ZTD. He learns that particular timeline. A bleak future, yes, but one single future where humanity is alive. He sees two futures, one in which all of humanity dies, and one where he is the leader of a religious cult that wipes out 4 Billion People with a deadly pandemic. And the idea of being that person disgusts him. He despises it. But he’s completely resigned to fate. He knows that things must go precisely as he’s seen at the price of humanity, too frightened by such a burden to even take a toe off of the predetermined pathway. His motive is that he’s so tightly bound to fate and so afraid to let it slip that he has no choice but to commit the atrocities, despising himself for it every step of the way, but considering it better than the inevitable alternative. It would give a purpose for the mindhacking powers, it would give him a solid motive, and it would make the ending SO much stronger, showing the contrast between a group of SHIFTers confident that they can change fate and the man who is completely resigned to his own. Fuck, I might steal this character concept because I REALLY think this idea would work to make an interesting villain!

Like I mentioned, this is KINDA there in subtext (with him quite frequently saying “life truly is unfair”) and this could be an interpretation of the character, but if ZTD had explored that theme, then holy hell what an interesting character Delta would be.

But even WITH this fix, holy hell, this plan is stupid. Because guess what, dingus. You just created like 30 new timelines that all end in annihilation.

He coulda said ONE line about “even if there is only one history that ends nicely, that is solace enough”, that might have been dark, but still powerful. You know, add some depth. But instead, he’s just like “hmm hmm shoot me”

And the Q Twist? I’m honestly not as mad at it as I should be. On one hand, it does that cute thing where there are little bits of foreshadowing so when you rewatch it, you notice little bits like shadows and stuff, but on the other hand, there are PLENTY of points where either the camera just straight up lies to you and doesn’t show him when he should be there or Delta’s just been fuckin SHMOOVIN on his wheelchair around the room constantly to stay out of the camera and everyone’s just been kinda chill with it. Maybe if they had been more careful with the camera it could have delivered a TOUCH better. Like, even if the shots are a bit off, that’s noticeable enough to be part of the hint, no? I don’t have as much to say about this, mostly because this post is getting long as fuck so I’m gonna wrap it up so I can move on with my life for a bit.

So even with ALL OF THAT, I still enjoyed playing the game. That’s right, compliment sandwich time. The three wards all being one ward was a really neat reveal. The fact that you can shoot Delta in one scene is creative with its replay value. I’m glad they touched on the philosophical idea of what happens to the people who made it out from the coin flip only to get SHIFTed into the exploding lab, and exploring that idea was fun. I absolutely lost my mind at the idea of the gun to sigmas head had a random chance of firing and then seeing it elaborated on in the dice scene directly after it. Gab is a good boy.

Cant wait to play AI

#long post #zero escape #ztd #ze spoilers

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sailordiavolo · 3 years ago

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suicide prevention month 2021 - things that helped me stay alive

i heard that this month is suicide prevention month in the united states. as someone who’s struggled for many years with suicide myself, and is currently in the mystical “better place”, i feel it’s my duty to open this can of worms. i am unafraid of the stigma that comes with discussing such things.

i’ll go over things that helped me to cope during dark times. these may also apply to being depressed in general (?) because no offense but “drinking water” doesn’t help as much as google seems to think it does. note that these aren’t be all end all solutions, more like techniques that helped me to stay sane on some of my worst days.

1. get rid of everything that’s an immediate danger to your health.

if you’re actively a danger to yourself, safety-proof your home. don’t keep sharp objects lying around, or anything dangerous of the like. get rid of anything toxic or chemical, and don’t keep medicines in excess.

2. if you can’t make yourself happy, try to mildly amuse yourself instead

thinking “happy thoughts” doesn’t really work for me, especially if i’m in the throes of a depressive episode. i do have many things that make me happy, but i seem to forget about all of them in dark times. that being said, really dumb jokes get me every time. if i can make myself laugh, smile or chuckle, i’ve already made it 10 times easier for myself. and if i can do that, usually it’s easy to make myself forget about the original reason i was upset in the first place.

dear reader, i don’t know what would count as “mildly amusing” to you, but here’s some things that work for me.

i have a self care playlist on youtube. mine’s pretty dumb, but making a playlist like that of things that you find entertaining or amusing might help. another amazing one is distantcry’s worst beat ever collection.

very specific songs that really get me going include metrostation’s shake it, botdf’s bewitched, rm’s expensive girl, and she past away’s ruh.

3. do some self care activities

self care is very very important. when you feel like you’re absolute worst, that’s a free pass to be as selfish as you need to be until you feel better. no job, no person, no drama is worth dying over. all of that can wait until after you’re finished what you’re doing. if you’re not really sure what to do as self care activities, i’ll list some suggestions.

take a hot bath, if possible. if you have the resources, add bubbles, flower petals, bathe salts or candles. i did this the other day and sat in the bath and ate crumpets. it was amazing. if not, have a steaming hot shower. (i know it’s hard to find the energy, but it’ll help, i promise)

watch your favourite childhood show, or your favourite show at the moment, or play a video game.

sleep all day, or take the day off.

eat your favourite food, or the best food available to you right now.

spend some money if you have it. personally, i never spend all my money in a week, i save some in case i have a panic attack or something so then i can spend money on something totally random to make myself feel better.

change up your appearance. i usually end up cutting my hair short or randomly dying it, but this can also mean dressing in a way that makes you feel good, painting your nails, or doing your makeup.

4. know how to comfort yourself

this is related to the last one but knowing what brings you comfort is very important. it took me a very long time to figure out what things i find comforting. list the things that you find comforting, and you can use those to help yourself feel better. it might be music, interests, even something abstract.

if you can’t think of anything, then make sure to pay attention to things that make you feel nice/comforted, and list them down. it’s also important to know what will send you over the edge, so you can avoid it.

5. distraction topics

this may help with anxiety as well, but having distraction topics can help you to calm down and forget about what you were worried about. it’s good to have a few distraction topics up your sleeve in case of emergency. i’ll list a few of my favourites, but if you ever need one don’t be afraid to ask me directly, or send me an ask on my blog! i have a ridiculous amount of misc knowledge just floating around.

dinosaur fossils of mothers protecting their nest have been found, meaning that dinosaurs probably felt some form of motherly love. love on earth is billions and billions of years old. creatures have loved each other on this planet since before the dawn of history. imagine being the first organism to love on this planet and what that must’ve been like

some cave paintings were animated. they had different frames painted over each other, and the flickering of a flame in the cave would cause the images to appear as if they were moving. isn’t that extremely profound?

i saw somewhere, that scientists attempted to see what an electron was made out of, or something to that effect. it’s made of a pool of energy, which is essentially nothing. no form, no matter. everything is made out of nothing.

6. romanticise your future

a lot of us probably don’t have a concept of the future, or if we do, it’s something that sounds absolutely horrible. well, forget about that! think instead about how hot n sexy you’ll be in your 30’s, 40’s, etc. don’t worry about how you’ll get there for now, your future self can take care of that. think about your ideal life, and get excited like it’s absolutely going to happen. the more you think about it, the more it will become true.

7. romanticise your current self

nobody in your life understands you? that’s because you’re the hot brooding mysterious one. struggle with very dark thoughts? omg you’d be so powerful as a jujutsu sorcerer. people are staring? it’s because they’re in love with you. people whispering as you go by? also in love with you. no friends? the universe had to keep you humble because otherwise you’d be too perfect. hate the way you look today? you’re just a littel troll babie. the more amusing these thoughts are, the better. and if you think these things for long enough, eventually it will trick your brain into thinking it’s true. who’s gonna check you? the telepaths?

8. put things into perspective

i am prone to delusional thoughts when i’m panicked, and i have to remind myself to reel it in. think about it, you’re more afraid of answering the phone than you are of death? doesn’t sound very cash money of you, bro.

think about how many years you’ve really lived, especially if you think you’ve failed in life. take 12 years off your age, because childhood doesn’t count. also take off any other years which you were forced to live the way someone else wanted you to live, rather than for myself.

for example, i’m currently 23. my household was pretty strict, so i couldn’t really do anything before age 18. which gives me a grand total of 5 years of me trying to figure out life by myself. it helps me to remember how young i actually am in the grand scheme of things, and that i have plenty of time to still figure things out.

9. find a safe outlet for dark urges

for me, art and journaling really helped. music too, especially when i felt like i could relate to either the lyrics, or just the tone/mood/feel of the song. it might be exercise, or you may like to do creative writing or make oc’s. sometimes you may just need a friend or someone to listen.

if you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can message me or shoot me an anon

10. sleep it off

sleep is not going to cure anything, but if i’m pushed over the edge and am struggling with dark thoughts, going to sleep almost always helps. most of the time i still feel like shit in the morning, but no longer in the mood to try anything hasty.

lastly: suicide is not the easy way out

note: i’m gonna be discussing my own experiences with suicide in this part, so if you don’t want to see that, then don’t read past this point

suicide is not the easy way out. it’s messy and it’s ugly and it’s painful and it’s gonna bring out the worst in people. i’ve been struggling with it since age 19.

one particular attempt landed me in the hospital after i swallowed a bunch of painkillers. i couldn’t think or speak properly, i was slurring my words and tripping over myself. my doctor brushed me off and said that it “would probably get better” with time, but it never did. it improved, but my mind has never been the same as it once was, and one of my biggest insecurities to this day is when i struggle to learn new things or get things mixed up that i shouldn’t. i struggle to learn the simplest of things, and my reaction times tend to be very slow.

the point is, sometimes you don’t die, sometimes you just end up hurting yourself in a way that won’t get better. nobody needs that. if had’ve known how to calm myself down back then, i might not’ve tried.

i don’t mind talking about it now, since i’ve dedicated so much time in learning how to uplift myself. i may be in the “better place” now, but you don’t need to rush yourself to be better immediately. sometimes you need to be patient, use baby steps, or learn to accomodate yourself where you are. these things take time. that’s okay.

and remember, you are loved and very much needed to be here on the planet with us.

#suicide awareness #suicide awareness month #mental health awareness #mental health #depression #anxiety #self help #suicide prevention #suicide prevention month #cw suicide

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youralternantpersonality · 4 years ago

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Please Take Me

Request: Yes by anon. Embry Call x Reader: Hi! Could I please have a request where Embry saves the reader’s life, and in doing so imprints on them?

A/n: It’s been a minute since I wrote something. So, thank you to whoever requested this! I hope it is what you wanted, and I hope you like it. This request helped me remember what I miss and enjoyed the most about writing. So, double thank you, my love!

Enjoy!

***

You know how they say, always pay attention to your surroundings. Especially at night. And if you're a female (even though it does happen to males too). Yeah, well, guess who decided to not pay attention exiting the grocery store after my shift. My boss, Lenny, asked if he could walk me to my car and I refused. One, because he’s kind of creepy—he’s nice, but he just looks at you like he’s shocked at something. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him blink at least 3 times in a conversation I had with him. But secondly, I was exhausted.

I had 3 Karen’s and their husband Bob come into the store to complain about the quality of the meat, the long lines, or just because I had an “attitude.” And of course, I had to kick out at least an additional 4 people for not wearing a mask.

“It’s my right as an individual to not wear one.” Yeah, Dick and Barbra, it’s also my right to kick your ass.

“We have the right to not serve you, so go put on a mask or don’t come back. I simply don’t care.” I turn to the phone to make an announcement. “Security, please come to the front. We have a D.A.A.M.” D.A.A.M—Dumb Ass Anti-Maskers. But yeah, my day, like most days, was just peachy.

I always park my car on the side of the parking lot. Right next to the exit way and within eyesight of the security footage. I was halfway there where suddenly, I was pushed to the ground. I looked around and saw no one or thing around. So, I calmly got up, and I can feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I sprint to my car and unlock it. As I get in, I take a breather and turn on my car. I look in my rearview mirror, and I see dark red eyes looking back at me. Neither one of us moved. You know how you’re in so much shocked as something that if you look away, you’ll be afraid you’ll never see it again or you question if you ever saw it.

Yeah, that’s what is happening now. Neither of us blinked, moved, or exhaled. It wasn’t until a creepy smile formed on its face that I reacted. Before I could scream or move towards the door, they had their hand wrapped around my mouth.

“Drive, and don’t do anything stupid little one.” I nod my head and slowly drive off back towards my home near La Push but just beyond Forks' line. I slowly drive to buy myself some time to find an escape. But apparently, he already knew what I was thinking.

“Don’t even think about it, my little rabbit. Take a left up here.” I follow his orders, and he leads me to a wooded area. I park my car close to the street, and we get out and head towards the woods. I’m not sure how far we’ve gotten, but I know as I look around, all I see is darkness, tall trees, and I can’t hear the passing cars on the main road.

“Let’s play a game, shall we?” he says, squeezing my arm, whispering into my ear. I look up at him, and he smiles and chuckles.

“Don’t worry, my little rabbit, we’re just going to play a nice game of ‘Hound and the Heir.’ You know that child game. Do you know or remember how to play?” he says, circling me. I nod my head, yes, tears coming down my face, not excited for what’s going to happen next.

“Good! How about I be generous and let my little heir go first. Ready…” I know I’m not going to make it.

“Set…” I say a quick prayer.

“GO!” I take off. Not sure where I’m going, not sure what direction I’m heading. All I know is, it’s better than where I was before. In the meantime, I scream and cry for help.

“HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!” I scream into the night—to no one. I hear the demon’s laugh around me. I don’t know where but I try to push myself more to get out of here. It wasn’t until I felt a pair of hands push me into a tree as I was jumping over its root. I slam my right shoulder and scream in pain. The bastard grabs me, lifts me up effortlessly, and tosses me to the ground, landing on the same shoulder. This time, I heard a pop.

Like the Hound he is, he creeps up to me, and just as he is close, he lifts his head and looks behind me, and backs away. I look behind me and see giant wolves breaking through the trees, growling.

“Son of a bitch…” he says and takes off. They all go after him, except for the silver-white wolf. She stays behind and looks at me. She waits until a big black, dark brown and a dark silver wolf comes back. Three other figures come out as men. What the fuck is happening?

“Don’t worry, you’re okay. We’re going to take you back to our place and get you cleaned up.” Says the smaller one with the babyface. I just want to pinch his cheeks.

“Like hell you are! Who the fuck are you guys?! What the fuck just happened? I just got kidnapped, and all of a sudden, I’m supposed to be okay and just allow a set of random strangers to take me again?” What kind of backward hell is this?

“We promise, we’re not going to hurt you.” Says the leaner one, I turn to him to say a snarky remark, but it gets caught in my throat. Hot fucking damn… “Be cool bitch, be cool…wait…”

“There's 4 wolves and 3 shirtless guys. What combination of that says ‘safe’ to you?” I ask him. Instead of giving me an answer, he just stares at me. I look at the others as they're looking at him. The babyface one and another one that resembles a chipmunk starts laughing, and the wolves look irritated or unbothered. Regardless, I move to get up but end up falling.

“FUCK! SON OF A BITCH! My ankle!” I say, staying on the ground, trying to cradle my shoulder while trying to not put pressure on my right ankle. It seemed that’s when Mr. Fuck Me woke from his daydream and came over to me.

“Here, let’s get you to Emily’s house.” then proceeds to effortlessly lift me up as if I am a feather.

“Holy shit, you're strong…don’t fucking drop me.” He smiles down at me and laughs,

“I promise I won't.” He turns to everyone, “We’ll see you guys there. Yes, Leah, stay behind.” He says, talking to the white wolf.

“Great, I’m stuck with a psycho who talks to animals… What is this? The Wild Thornberry’s?” I look around. He smiles,

“Naw, let’s just say you’re life is about to get interesting, cutie.” He says, then smiles and winks at me. Um, sir…please fuck me.

~~~

“And that’s it,” Embry says nervously.

“That’s it?” I asked, questioning as if what he told me was enough to not have a billion questions.

“Yep.” I shake my head.

“How does it work? Does it hurt?” he smiled,

“Yeah, at first it did, but it gets better over time. You should see us when we first phase. You know how when a baby deer or giraffe is born, they can barely stand, and they wobble all over the place. That’s what happens to us. Only we’re over six feet with big heads.”

“Speak for yourself. Paul's head is the biggest.” Jared says, interrupting us. We were at Sam and Emily’s house, and it had been a month since the terrible day in the woods. Embry brought me back here with Leah to get cleaned up. Ever since, he never left my side…not that I was complaining. It was just weird; I never had or even actually wanted someone to be around like he is. Hell, I can barely stand to be around my own family.

“Anyways, you’re giving me a ride one of these days.”

“Not while you’re hurt…” Embry said in a monotonous stern voice…Zaddy. Let me stop…

“Fair enough. Now, is there anything else I should know before I ask questions? I would prefer to have all the information out now; that way, we can move forward.” Everyone—Jared, Sam, Emily, and Embry—becomes quiet.

“And, that’s my cue. I’m going to see how long it takes to annoy Kim before she kicks me out of her house. Good luck!” Jared says, grabbing 3 cookies and a biscuit before running out the door. Sam and Emily give words of encouragement to Embry and leave.

“Embry…what’s going on?” I said, looking at him. He clears his throat.

“Well, there is one other thing. Just to let you know, it’s completely voluntary. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. You are 100% in control between us. Okay?” he says nervously. I look at him suspiciously. I nod my head for him to continue. “Well, there's this thing called imprinting. You know…you know how after a while, you couldn’t figure out why but you felt like you wanted to be around me—for us to be close to one another?”

“More like need, but sure, continue.” He shakes his head and smiles.

“Well, there's a reason behind that. You know what mating is, right?” I nod my head.

“Like eagles when they mate for life. Right?”

“Yeah! Exactly! Well, that’s what happened that night in the woods. When I looked at you like a deer looking at headlights. I, uh, I imprinted on you.” He says nervously. I start feeling conflicted. On the one hand, I'm glad like a mother fucker that I get to have Embry in my life, but on the other, would he have wanted me without imprinting?

“I know what you’re thinking, and honestly, I actually already did like you.” He smiles as I looked at him, confused. “Last year, at the beach. You were walking back to your car while I was walking with Quil and Jake towards the water. We kind of passed each other. I don’t think you noticed me, but I saw you and thought you were the most amazing person I’ve seen. After that, I may have tried to go to the beach as often as possible to see you, but I never did. It wasn’t until the day in the woods that I saw you again. so my initial reaction was both happy because I finally found you again and because I found you.” He says, holding my hand. I started to tear up and smile.

“That’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said to me.” I laugh and reach in to hug him without hurting my shoulder and ankle.

“I’m glad. So, it’s up to you, Y/n. Whatever you want us to be, I’ll be that and there for you always.” I smile and place my left and on his cheek.

“I want you to always be in my life Embry call.” I smile back at him. He grabs my wrist and kisses it and rubs circles on the back of my hand. We eventually start closing the distance between us.

“May I kiss you?” he asked quietly. I nod my head, and he smiles. “I’m going to need verbal consent, love.” I laugh at him,

“Yes. Yes, you may kiss me, please.” And he does. It was gentle, and it felt like home. Then it really felt like home when we heard whistling, hooting, and other unnecessary noises coming outside of the sliding door. We turned to look, only to see Jared, Paul, Jake, and Quil being stupid. I hit my face in Embry’s shoulder as he gave them the finger.

Who would’ve thought that my life would go from boring to adventurous all because of a vampire? I could honestly say I would have it any other way…like for real, I would have instead met Embry at the beach, but at least I can say I have met the love of my life.

*Masters List is in the description bar*

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rainofaugustsith · 4 years ago

Text

SWTOR and Companion Death

So. Some thoughts about companion deaths in SWTOR in general.

I'm not a fan.

SPOILERS FOR KOTFE ONWARD.

I do know the name of the franchise is Star WARS, and people die in wars. It would probably be extremely unrealistic if we had a scenario where our characters spent literally 17 years of their lives (and counting...well, 12 if we don't count carbonite) fighting and nobody around them died.

However, in SWTOR I think that most of the deaths could been avoided. I don't think they benefit the story. I think that all they really do, in the end, is deprive the audience of a lot of interesting characters.

I do think there are occasions when a player's character may wish to reject or kill a companion, but I also feel that there are ways to write so that it is an exception, and not commonplace.

And we have not even gotten to the NPC deaths. It has been a bloodbath for years with SWTOR and the writers show no signs of stopping it. Nathema - the body count from Nathema has taken almost twenty NPCs out of the main story. Onslaught? Yeah. Many more. It's become more unusual for an NPC to actually survive for the duration than to have a kill option.

I feel there are better ways to write than to take a Game of Thrones approach and kill everyone. When you eliminate everyone's beloved characters, and you leave the player with nothing more than a rotating cast of strangers, it's quite difficult to get into the story after a while.

Going through the companion deaths from KOTFE to Iokath:

Tanno Vik: The voiceover artist who played Tanno Vik died several years ago, and apparently the devs decided not to make the character recruitable in KOTFE because of that. I can understand this one. It seems that Tanno may die regardless of your choices, too. If you spare him during your meeting, he may not have survived the attack on Asylum, especially if the PC chose to use Valkorion's power.

HK-55: Yes, we get it, you wanted to show everyone that Arcann is a big old monster. The "thrown into carbonite," "slaughtering the Scions" “subjugating both the Republic and Empire” and "ruling as a harsh dictator" plot points didn't get it across quite enough. Dramatic. Yes. And they do bring HK-55 back

My objection to this death is not that they did it - because it actually does fit, even if it's a little extreme - is that they didn't make HK-55's return available to all in the actual main story of the game. I can understand making Shroud of Memory a bonus, because it's cute and funny but doesn't tie super directly into the main plot. But Arma Rasa? I think that should have been for everyone. Yes, I know you can buy it now - and I did - but I still think it should have been main story. If it were, we could have enjoyed HK-55's commentary in the rest of KOTFE and KOTET.

Kaliyo Djannis, Aric Jorgan: Fan service. But it makes no fucking sense. What exactly are you killing them for? They didn't listen, after they tried to compensate and salvage a mission that had gone south? They were left in the lurch because your PC was mission critical and went on a hallucinogenic hiking trip and didn't show up? There's literally nothing you can do to make the mission go right. It always fails, no matter who is in charge or what you tell them to do.

In Kaliyo's case, I really question why the devs thought that she, of all people, would be the character that most players would just love to spend an entire chapter with in one-on-one quality time in KOTFE. I think her kill option was a response to that - "yes, we forced you to play a chapter with this character but look, you can let her go now." Or perhaps it was a response to the frustration some players had with not being able to kill or reject her in the class story.

I think the class story could have sustained a branch where Kaliyo was asked to leave after the Wheezer incident. I think it's reasonable that a player's Agent may not have wanted to continue associating with her at that point. There were four other characters who could have taken her dialogue in the class story missions. But to do it years later? Eh.

In Aric's case, I have no idea what they were thinking. I've never had the feeling he's a character that is widely disliked. They needed to give an option to kill someone along with Kaliyo. I don't know. But it's weird and doesn't make sense IMHO.

Senya: So she's saved her boy. We get it. But considering that Senya also spent several chapters insisting that her children needed to be brought to justice, and was fully willing to engage Vaylin in combat if not kill her - the change of heart was confusing. I think Senya's fate was attached to Arcann's simply to give Arcann greater odds of survival. It seems that people like Senya even if they don't like Arcann. If the two had been separated, I really think less people would have saved Arcann.

Koth: Fan service. Nothing but fucking fan service. I'm sure it had nothing to do with Koth being a LGBTQ+ Black man who actually protested the player's actions and didn't let them off the hook. No, nothing to worry about here with that. That;s sarcasm in case I need to clarify. If things get to the point where Koth has left, your character literally works with him to save the ship and then can kill him while Lana stands there and watches and not a single person protests. After Koth has hijacked the ship and planted a bomb on it. The ship he adores. I can’t even. They could have done so much with this character and they just...did this instead. And then chose to completely ignore him even if he remained in the player's story. I still am salty, years later, that he didn't even get a cameo in the Nathema story. It's not as though the Gravestone's fate would have bothered him at all, amirite?

SCORPIO: One of the few kill options that actually might be justifiable, but the larger question is why she was trusted so much to begin with. And why the game feels it's light side to let her merge with a planet that keeps a necropolis of billions of organics it has slaughtered as research subjects.

Arcann: I feel Arcann should be handled and considered separately because he was not established first as a companion. He was framed and written as an adversary for all of KOTFE. But here we are forced to choose between "let Arcann live and become your new BFF who takes over Lana and Theron's place of trust with no punishment for his crimes" or "kill him on live television! I'm sure I'll be an Instagram Influencer now! Follow me at AllianceCommanderOdesssen uwu!"

Vette; Torian: Completely unnecessary. You have an Alliance that is so large that fighters are literally on the cliffs and in the trees helping you as you progress through the chapter. The Gravestone's taken to the skies. And yet nobody is available to swing by Torian or Vette's position to help them. You and Lana/Theron or Senya/Arcann are literally THE ONLY PEOPLE EVER who can do that. Oh, and the super-smart Hutt scientist in charge of your Research and Development team has given Vette an assault cannon for this huge battle against strong, skilled forces, despite the fact she's only operated an assault cannon...once? For a few minutes? *thumbs up, Oggurobb!*

I feel this was simply done to try to evoke emotion and to erase any sympathy the player may have had for Vaylin, since it immediately follows the Nathema sanitarium visit.

If they really felt the need to go with this, I feel they could have tied it to player actions earlier in the game. Did you do a lot of Alliance Alerts? Did you raise the Specialists' influence above 10? Did you do some of those veteran Star Fortresses and pick up a few extra companions? Then maybe you have enough extra personnel to save both. Quinn: More fan service, served up for those who would have liked to kill or reject Quinn all those years ago in the class story.

Just like Kaliyo - and Skadge, and Tanno Vik - I think the class story could have gone on without him if the Sith Warrior had been allowed to reject him after the Quinncident. I would have rejected him at that point. The writing in the class story could have sustained it. They could have given the healer role to one of the others. And then you'd get a branch where if Quinn was present, he'd show up on Iokath. If not, it would be someone else from the Sith class story, like one of the many Moffs the Warrior meets. Maybe the dude from Ilum, since he doesn't die. Or Hesker.

Theron: Now, here's the issue. The story sets up a scenario where asking Theron to leave because you no longer trust him is understandable. But I plead the case that it never should have gotten to that point. The entire betrayal story was completely unnecessary. Theron NEEDED to go undercover like that? He had a secret language he and Lana developed and just never used it to tip everyone off? He thought frying the Commander on Iokath or throwing her out the train window would be fun? After working so hard for peace, he literally sparked the next galactic war by tipping off everyone about Iokath and manipulating them all into going there so they could learn lots of fun new ways to kill each other?

Come. On. It doesn't make sense. Even in a spy game, I don't think Theron would have really thought that prodding the Empire and Republic to war with each other and the Alliance would have been worth it.

I feel like they could have done so many other things with the Order of Zildrog, and even had the same flashpoints, without making Theron appear to betray the Alliance.

DS Jaesa: *sigh* So she saw the Commander on the Holonet, never thought of coming to Odessen and instead went to Iokath to slaughter Alliance troops. Oh, and threaten to kill Lana, who may be the player’s partner. Again, it sets up a scenario where it makes sense that a player might kill her, but why was that even necessary? The scenario itself doesn't make sense. If you have Master Ranos, she says that Jaesa was spotted hunting for artifacts, I think? Maybe just maybe they could have worked with that?

Xalek: You're killing Xalek for...um...terrorizing miners...and...yeah. Okay. Dude was in the class story for about five minutes so I don't think anyone knows what is going on here.

Broonmark: Yes, he's basically a cold-blooded killer. But he's going after this Wookiee senator because he's allying with the Republic? Or getting some Talz to be allies? The Talz already seem to be aligned Republic. He's a bit late to that party. Why is it that I don't think Broonmark would be into politics or watching the news and would not care about this?

Rusk: Um, yeah, Bey'wan, about that guy you wanted me to recruit, he's, um, dead. Because I decided to sell him out to a Black Sun gang leader. Don't be mad?

Skadge: One of the few kill options I think most could agree is...not that bad. Your mission with Rusk is to kill him. He was an adversary in the game. My headcanon for my bounty hunters is that he never gets on the ship after Belsavis. There’s no way they would have ever brought him along. Another case of correcting something from the class story?

#swtor #swtor critical #rain plays swtor

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fullsunalicia · 5 years ago

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May I request a werewolf au for jaemin please?🥺👉🏻👈🏻 I’m a sucker for supernatural aus and your writing ‘s are extraordinary!! I absolutely love them! So please?🥺🥺

destiny — NJM

you’re not close with na jaemin, but you know plenty of rumors to give you a vivid expectation. so when he starts courting you, you’re not sure if you can believe him. you learn, though, that it’s so hard to resist a womanizer when he’s as charming as jaemin, and is destined to be yours forever.

jesus christ na jaemin is too pretty to handle. look at that gif omg / hello love! thank you so much for your kind words. i’m glad i can please someone with my writing 🥺 i hope you enjoy wolf jaemin

werewolf!jaemin x witch!reader / college au

Temptation is a sin. So is Na Jaemin.

There’s just that hazy air around him that makes everyone look again. Too gorgeous to be real, and yet he’s standing here, gifting you with a smile that knocks the air right out of you. God’s favorite, falling from heaven. That’s how you’d describe the stunning boy who has been trying for the past few weeks to convince you to go on a date with him.

His face may seem innocent, but the glint in his eye says anything but. You have heard about the many girls, how the shards of their hearts form a trail behind him. Jaemin is easy to please, but hard to keep. Attention is a precious thing, time is money. In his case, time is pleasure. A pretty face may lure him in, but nothing ever makes him stay.

And yet he’s been chasing you for a month now. The first to pick you up from your locker, a freshly brewed coffee in hand just for you. For someone that walks the earth as a god in a human body, Na Jaemin shouldn’t bother to learn your coffee orders by heart. He shouldn’t be the one making you laugh out loud in your least favorite classes and he should not be making the effort to make your heart skip.

Love is discardable, recycable. Never long-term. That’s what Jaemin says. So why is he sitting here, pouting, because you’re denying him the affection he so desperately craves? There are thousands of girls who’d kill to take your place. It drives you insane to be kept in the dark - you want to crack the wolf boy’s head open and look inside, cast a spell on him and make him spill his guts.

Nobody can know you’re a witch. Especially not Na Jaemin, part of the wolf pack that despises your kind. Everybody knows the stories, of Mark Lee and the woman he gave his heart to, cursed by a witch’s envy. That’s why you stay quiet and endure Jaemin’s flirting, and the only reason you resort to investigate the human way.

“What are you doing here, Nana? Be honest.”

Jaemin furrows his brows. “Now, what’s that supposed to mean, baby?” The nickname falls so easily from his lips. It feels just right, because why wouldn’t you be his baby? Who would pass up the chance to taste the honey dripping from his lips, the lies he speaks that taste like bitter-sweet candy? You’ve met plenty of guys who play hearts like a particularly interesting game of cards, but never have you seen someone like Jaemin. Love is like a lottery to him, and you’re the billion dollar prize - the way he treats you makes you feel like the most precious thing in the world, of undescribable worth. You know Jaemin is affectionate with everyone, and yet it makes your heart burst when he cradles your waist like it’s fine china. Carefully. Respectfully. To him, you’re art. Sadly, he’s not a critic - only the collector.

You let him rub his cheek against your stomach as if he’s a needy cat. There’s no use stopping him, since Jaemin gets the attention he desires one way or another. It should make you feel sick. And yet you only pray that he continues playing this game of push and pull, hope that he keeps trying. You’re a masochist, an addict. Na Jaemin is your fix.

The sunlight frames Jaemin’s face like a halo when he leans back and smiles at you. This is the face of Michelangelo’s David, the perfect reincarnation of Adonis. His looks are surreal. Like cut-out diamonds, Jaemin’s jawline seems sharp, but is soft to the touch. Beauty in controversy. Lust and virtue in one. Any angel at the gates to heaven would rip their hair out of trying to sort Jaemin - too gorgeous for hell, too sinful to stay in paradise. “Go bother someone else,” you mumble, desperately trying to break the spell you’re under. Na Jaemin makes you dizzy, and he knows. “I bet Haechan’s going to cuddle you. So go, shoo!”

“I don’t want Haechan.” A loud yelp is tugged out of you when Jaemin tugs you down to sit next to him, and in the next second you’re being embraced. Strong arms curl around your body, holding you close, hiding you away from the world. The most wonderful feeling in the world. “I want you.”

Love has never treated you right. Several nights have been wasted on boys and their white lies, on let-down crushes and unrequited feelings. Maybe it’s because you’re a witch, and bad luck follows you everywhere.

Just for once in your life, you want to be treated like a princess. You want Jaemin to look at you and see everything he ever dreamt of coming true. But that’s impossible. You know it very well.

That’s why you untangle yourself, sad smile on your lips, sorrow weighing heavy on your heart. Love is for girls that aren’t afraid to fall. “Sorry, but no,” you tell Jaemin, and tears prick at your eyes when you stand up and walk away.

You will never fall again.

— ❦ —

Sadness tastes like cheap raspberry vodka and salty tears. Atleast that’s what your intoxicated brain thinks it is, as you lean your head against the bathtub and close your eyes in an attempt to drown out all the loud music outside. It’s not like you to get wasted beyond control, but it’s hard to look at Kwon Eunbin’s face and say no when she begs you to take a shot with her. And another one. And another one after that.

Did it matter to Eunbin that you don’t like alcohol that tastes like disinfectant? No, of course not. Your best friend’s only job is to get you drunk and make you forget about your stupid infatuation with a certain blueberry-haired boy. Rosé wine and cocktails are long forgotten the second Eunbin takes you into the kitchen and makes you play drinking games against the frat brothers living here. Now it’s landed you in the only free bathroom inside this house, while Eunbin is searching for some water for you.

Not like she’s too drunk to take care of even herself right now. You’d bet fifty dollars she‘s already forgotten about you because someone lured her to a beer pong table. It’s alright, you forgive her. But it’s not that nice to sit in the bathroom and ponder over the meaning of your existence alone. Your conclusion of what sorrow tastes like isn’t that deep, but it’s the perfect description of the miserable shape you’re in right now. Who the hell even drinks raspberry vodka? It tastes nothing like that. It’s just drinkable bleach that your stomach barely handles.

And yet it’s enough to numb out the butterflies Na Jaemin brings to life inside you. When you close your eyes, his laughter rings in your ears, as if he’s right here with you. The sound is pleasant, calming. Like good music to a trained ear. This is what happiness would sound like if it were a noise. No matter how Jaemin treats love interests, he’s a good person at heart. That’s what makes it so hard to get over that stupid infatuation. It’s impossible to forget about his advances when all you can think about is him volunteering at a shelter and secretly adopting rescue kittens, because his best friend loves them. You think of the adorable smile on his lips when he’s suprised with his favorite snack, and how he gushes love declarations to his friends just because they thought about him. His kindness to strangers. His loyalty to the pack.

Na Jaemin. End of sentence. That’s it.

Perfection is unattainable, a ridiculous concept. You know that, and you still think it’s the only word to properly grasp Jaemin’s personality.

The vodka is doing a bad job from getting your mind off him. You groan, moving to hide your face in your hands. Is the room spinning or is that just you giving out on reality?

“(y/n)?”

It’s not Eunbin. When you look up, you lock eyes with Lee Jeno. It’s heartwarming how concerned he looks, even if you don’t talk that often. You’re only acquiantances. Despite that, Jeno moves to sit down beside you, carefully putting a hand on your shoulder. “Everything alright?” he asks, voice quiet. You strain to even hear him properly, booming trap music making the house rumble.

It’s ridiculous, but your inebriated brain doesn’t even think about worrying about yourself. Grinning, you point at the boy’s blonde locks, tousled and curled. His girlfriend liked to play around with his hair often. It’s cute he lets her style it. “Since when’s your hair dyed?” You drawl out. Your tongue feels weirdly heavy, as if it’s not supposed to be there. Something makes you want to bite down, but the very small part of you that’s still sober screams not to do it. “Last time I saw you, it was still black. Did your girl do that?”

He laughs. It’s a nice sound, but it’s not like Jaemin. It doesn’t make your heart skip several beats and stutter like a broken record. “You’re about to pass out in our bathroom and yet you ask me about my hair?”

“Yeah. It looks really, really cool. I didn’t think any other hair color would suit you, but now that I see it, I dig it. Good job to the hair dresser.”

“Thanks.” Jeno chuckles, and then he helps you sit up. The many shots took their time to hit you, but now they all mess with you at once. Thankfully, you have a very good friend who keeps you up. “I’ll pass it along. But first, can I get you some water? Do you want to lay down? There’s a spare room downstairs because Renjun’s out of the house right now.”

Fear suddenly floods your senses. Eunbin hasn’t returned, and you don’t want to be left alone again. If Jeno goes now, you’ll probably start crying from the amount of overthinking you’ve been up to. “Don’t leave, please,” you plead Jeno. He pets your hair, like you’re some sort of cat. It’s strangely enjoyable.

“(y/n), you need some other drink besides alcohol. You’re going to have the biggest hangover otherwise.”

Oh, there is no way to avoid that. If Jeno knew how much you had downed this evening ... But you don’t tell him, instead shaking your head. “Don’t wanna be alone. ‘M sad.”

Jeno cocks his head. There’s something in his eyes that you can’t read, unfathomable. Like this, he somehow looks younger. You wonder if cocking his head is a habit he picked up from being a wolf, but asking that would be weird. The man seated infront of you takes the decision out of your hands. “You want me to get Jaemin?”

You don’t know what possesses you, but you nod instantly. Moving on instinct, of course. The second Jaemin is mentioned, your fears settle. Your heart calms down. What is it about that name that makes you feel so much at home?

“Okay,” Jeno breathes out. He squeezes your shoulder one last time, before standing up and leaving the bathroom. Time seems to pass so slowly. Being in a bathroom drunk always feels like staying in an alternate dimension. It’s just God and you now, no matter if you’re religious or not. It’s an unwritten rule.

Your audience with a deity doesn’t last long, though it feels like eternity. When the door opens again, Jaemin enters, the door clicking into the lock as he closes it. “Baby,” he laughs. How dare he mock your misery? “I didn’t even know you drink at parties.”

Your actions are out of your control the second Jaemin settles beside you. Without hesitation, you move to climb on his lap, arms moving around his waist and keeping him there. This is fine. This is okay. He wouldn’t mind, right?

For a moment, Jaemin tenses below you. In that split second, you think rationally again. Maybe you had crossed a boundary. You should’ve asked before initiating this. What the hell were you thinking? But Jaemin bows over you, and then your mind just blanks. You get lost in the way he embraces you, strong body hiding away yours as he buries his face in your hair and breathes in deeply. Jaemin is warm, like a furnace beneath your touch. Wolves tend to run a little warmer than normal people. The boy in your arms seems to burn you, and yet you wouldn’t move away for a single thing in the world. You’re perfectly content with where you are.

If this is what loving Jaemin feels like, you think that the pain to be endured is worth it. This feels like your own personal heaven. Soft lips meeting the shell of your ear. Whispered compliments. Someone chuckling alongside with you when you comment sarcastically. The universe comes to a halt whenever you’re with this wolf, whether that’s a good thing or not. You don’t want to know. You want to stay like this forever.

“Still with me, baby?”

“Mhm.” You hum, repositioning yourself on his lap. Sadly, he leans away when you lock your arms around his neck, laughing at the whine you let out at that. He’s really enjoying seeing you suffer today. Maybe this is why his friends beat him up all the time. You’ve seen their play fights, both in human and wolf form. “Tired.”

Where Jaemin’s hands meet the exposed skin of your waist, the butterflies come back to life. You weren’t able to drown them, no matter how much vodka you drank. “Did someone ever tell you how cute you are when you’re wasted?” he mumbles, tugging you closer. Your breath hitches when his chest meets yours. He smiles. “Now I need to follow you like a guard dog at every party so nobody else gets to see this. I’d get too jealous.”

“Don’t worry,” you mutter. A hiccup makes you jump on top of him, and you miss the way Jaemin silently groans at that. “Nobody wants me, anyway.”

It’s quiet for a long time. Surely, this would make him stop chasing after you, and now you’ll have to learn how to survive every day without the wolf boy making you feel better with his words. The reassurance he showers you with. The many thumbs-ups, his constant encouragement. Though, now that you think about it - this is the longest Jaemin has ever put up with a girl. Is he humoring you? Did he know about what he made bloom inside your chest, and is hoping you choke on the petals?

When you look up, the wolf’s eyes are in disbelief, almost enraged. It’s a reaction that you didn’t expect, sobering you up just a little. “Is that what you think?” he inquires, the underlying tone in his voice deadly. You gulp. “(y/n), you must know about the many guys standing in line behind me. Are you unaware of all the attention that you draw to yourself? How stunning you are?”

The words tug at your heartstrings. Still, you tell him, “It’s never made anyone stay.”

It’s the truth, a truth he’s going to confirm himself. Na Jaemin can’t be held down. He’s the fleeting warm wind kissing your skin, the sun breaking through the thunder clouds to save your day. He’s not meant to be there forever. Witches don’t run with wolves.

You’d give it all up for him. The spells, the magic, the spirits. Toss everything away to offer Jaemin the world. But Jaemin has galaxies inside his soul, and the universe inside his eyes.

What would he want with your world?

Jeno coughs awkwardly when he enters. It’s the only comment he lets slip about the position you’re both in, instead kneeling down to offer you the glass. The water’s freezingly cold, but you gulp it all down, heart soaring at Jaemin’s praise. Both wolves briefly talk about what’s going on downstairs, and you yawn. Jaemin’s head snaps to yours. Seconds later, you’re lifted off the ground.

“Jaemin!”

Jeno laughs at your shocked squeal. He turns off the lights in the bathroom while you’re carried out, and you lose sight of him as Jaemin brings you to bed. Sighing, you rest your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. You just want to sleep. Forget about this conversation, deal with the problem later. In the morning, you’d let your heart be crushed by the boy who was never yours. And then you’ll have to learn how to survive that.

Jaemin sets you down on a soft bed. His hands cup your cheeks, thumbs swiping over your cheekbones. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he says. His tone offers no room for discussion. So you nod obediently, and hug him. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this, but something just keeps urging you to. To feed into the addiction that is Na Jaemin. The more you consume, the more hooked you get. He just laughs when you kiss his cheek, lets you tug him down so he hovers over you. “Stop acting cute. You’re still in trouble.”

“Okay.” You kiss his other cheek. His eyes slip closed when you dishevel his hair, tugging at the locks in an affectionate manner. The color suits him.

You don’t know why you’re feeling this way. The flutter of your heart is a foreign feeling, as weird as the sadness you feel when Jaemin moves away from you. You’re not ready yet, not able to face the flood. You grip his shirt, your legs wound tightly around your waist. The immense wish for him to lay down beside you makes you feel lightheaded.

“(y/n),” Jaemin groans, but he still hides his face in the crook of your neck. You’re aware he can hear your heart racing at his actions, but you can’t find yourself to care. All that matters is that he’s here. You sigh in content when the wolf kisses his way up your throat, dangerously close to your jaw. “Acting cute is not gonna save you.”

You shrug.

The room is dimmed, so you can’t see the look on his face. “Stop,” he deadpans. “I can’t kiss you when you’re drunk. Be a good girl.”

“Will you kiss me, then?”

“When you’re sober and still willing.”

You tighten your grip on his shirt. “Okay. That’s a promise, right? Because otherwise, I’ll get really, really, really upset...”

You wish he wouldn’t tease you by pressing a kiss to your cheeks. You can’t see him, but you know he’s grinning. You just know. He’s Na Jaemin. “Be a good girl,” he repeats. “And in the morning, you’ll get a reward.”

— ❦ —

Your head feels like it’s been split apart. Someone’s punching holes into your temples, and you wince when you move. This is the reason you never drink high-percentage alcohol. It messes you up so much more than your trusted wine.

The bed you slept in feels empty without a body to hold you warm. It smells like your favorite wolf, but you know for a fact he hasn’t been in this room once after you fell asleep. He wouldn’t do anything without your consent. Especially when you’re under the influence. You long for another hug, but once you realize what you’re feeling, you freeze. Everything from yesterday comes rushing back.

“Oh my stars,” you murmur.

Embarrassment feels very hot, and somehow chilling at the same time. It makes the blood rush to your cheeks, your face turning into a heating pack for the hands that move to cover them. You rarely allow yourself to get so intoxicated in public. So why’d it have to happen in near proximity of Jaemin, so you can mess up and spill your secrets?

There’s still a reward to claim, though. You were promised something, and you intend to get what you are owed as a last goodbye. Before Jaemin shifts his attention and forgets about you, as if you were a star in the sky dying and leaving nothing behind but dust. You can still feel his hands on you, the touch imprinted into skin and soul. Many boys had gripped you with the sole intent of using you to their own gain, but Jaemin had held you like you were the most valuable thing in his life. A treasure. A blessing. With just a few soothing words, this wolf had managed to fill the cracks in your heart with his appreciatiation. It’s not enough to make you believe in love, but it’s enough to finally return your bravery to you. So you can finally step over the edge and fall, to surrender to another person. Your heart is battered and bruised, but you’d give it to him without hesitation.

Life isn’t meant to be spent dreading everything. You’ll regret choosing pain over caution, but it’s better than rotting away alone. There is no way to look past all the beautiful things life has to offer. It gave you Jaemin, even if it was for a little while. In his smile, you see the honesty you’ve been craving all your life from other people. His touch makes you forget about the men who treated you like their servant and not the queen they were supposed to worship. When Jaemin listened, you remembered what it felt like to be taken seriously. It doesn’t matter if he’s going to reject you. Anyone who makes you realize your worth again is a person worth let in. So you slip out of bed and start searching for him.

You’re still owed a kiss.

The house is littered with plastic cups and empty bottles. A peek into the many rooms reveals sleeping pack members and girlfriends, and some friends scattered over the couches in the living room. You can’t find Jaemin anywhere, so you head to the kitchen. Maybe he’s already preparing breakfast?

Mark Lee is seated at the kitchen table.

He sits there, looking like he was waiting for you. Perhaps he was. He’s a supernatural creature, blessed with heightened senses and perfect hearing. Your little footsteps must have sounded like booming fireworks to him. The rumors made him out to be a scary person, and if he wasn’t looking at you with such a blank face, you’d be willing to overlook them and call him cute. But it’s not a boy staring you straight in the face; it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Mark doesn’t speak for a long time. His eyes wander over your appearance, your body still clad in the outfit from yesterday. The house had been too hot several moments ago, but now you feel like shuddering. Nothing is more terrifying than looking someone in the face and being aware of much they loathe you.

There’s no other explanation for the glare etched into his face. No other reason for him to despise you, even though this is the first time he ever saw you. He knows. Knows about the powers you carry in your blood, the very same ones someone else used to curse his girlfriend. The story is widely known, almost a myth, if it weren’t for the many people that watched her collapse straight into Mark’s arms as her veins turned black. A forbidden spell, and yet it was used in broad daylight.

Mark hums. It would’ve sounded nice, if it weren’t so ominous. “Jaemin’s gone to the bakery,” he says, voice cold and void of politeness. This man can’t stand the sight of you. Honestly, if you were in his place, you wouldn’t be able to either. “He told me about having a girl sleeping over. Someone he likes. Someone who’s been toying with his feelings.”

Your throat closes up. You don’t like where this is going.

He pushes away the empty cup he clutched, revealing the claws extending from the tips of his fingers. You try to remind yourself that he can’t control it, that he’s just angry. It’s hard to do when everything inside you screams for you to run away.

The table creaks loudly when Mark leans on it. You can see the sharp nails more clearly now, deadly to the touch. “He didn’t tell me it was a witch,” the wolf continues, as if he wasn’t aware of how much he’s scaring you. “Though that clearly explains why you’re breaking his heart and enjoying it. All you witches can do is destroy and demolish. Is that why you sent us the vampires? Even though you were fully aware they’d turn on you? Did that not matter to you, if it meant being rid of us wolves?”

“I don’t enjoy it,” you whisper. You know hearts can’t physically break, but your chest is hurting, and you’re afraid Mark is going to shatter you instead of Jaemin. This is what you get for believing other people over the person themselves. If only you had realized that Jaemin was serious; the amount of time he had spent on you, so unusual for a boy of his kind, his respectful behaviour, everything. “I didn’t mean to...”

“I don’t care!”

Mark has finally cast aside the cool exterior. Visibly fuming, he watches as you tremble because he had raised his voice. The wolf shakes his head, then his hands, tries to shake off the anger. Stop the transformation. He wouldn’t turn in his own kitchen, would he?

Maybe you should just let him shred you to pieces. It’s what you deserve for treating Jaemin like some boy without feelings. You feel terrible.

There’s a gaping ache growing just beneath your lungs, swallowing up your heart like a black hole. The feeling is excruciating, almost unbearable. You force yourself to bear it. You deserve it, you tell yourself. You deserve it. The words ring in your ears and in your entire body, making way for the hollow feeling that imprints itself inside you.

Mark never looks away. He gauges in your reaction, the dooming realization of the consequences to your actions. “Stay away from him,” he finally tells you. It’s the last nail driven into your coffin. Everything seems to fade away. “Stay away from that boy. He doesn’t deserve to have his heart broken by someone who’s never learnt to appreciate it. You know that. Spare him. Leave, and spare him.”

As a child, you had once swallowed a potion on accident. Your mother tended to leave all her cups and cauldrons everywhere, often forgetting that curiousity manifests itself in her daughter. The liquid had been thick and had burned, all the way down to your stomach, spreading through your body as the agony swallowed you up. Like someone biting away at your organs, ripping a big chunk out of your heart and paralyzing your tongue. You had been lucky the potion wasn’t deadly, only intended to torture, to coax the truth out of someone.

This is a fresh serve of that very potion. The memory is suddenly clear as day, every detail repeating in your mind. The same fire. The same torment. And you’ve ingested it on your own accords again. You never learn.

“Okay,” you say. It’s not you speaking, but it’s your voice, an odd out-of-body experience.

No one stops you as you walk out the house. You never look back.

— ❦ —

Magic in a way, is like poison.

It’s uncontrollable sometimes. When your senses are flooded with intense emotions, it splinters of your fingertips like the sparks of a fire, just as dangerous. It burns down villages and gives life to dead forests. The earth splits to obey it, raising the ocean and capturing the stars to bend to your will. It eats away at your energy every time you use it, sends you straight to the ground after a particularly powerful spell. No one ever taught you how to turn it into a cure. It doesn’t mend the wounds of your soul, only the superficial ones grazing your skin. Humanity does not need magic to save lifes. Medicine reaches out way further than magic does, tackles the problems more effectively. Scars fade away with time. Wounds close up. But your soul never recovers. It remembers everything, for now and eternity. It is going to replay the moment you abandoned Jaemin forever.

The ground is strangely comforting. You’ve been resting on it for a while now, even though your bed is right beside you. The cold is numbing, keeps you awake. Haunted by the many months Jaemin spent chasing after you, you stare at the ceiling and pray for karma to have mercy on you. How blind you were. Now that you’re given the sight, you’re not sure you want to keep it.

You spent many days counting the what if’s. What would’ve happened if you weren’t so stubborn, so gullible. You count them, once, twice, infinitely, then you repeat. Only the stars listen. They hear the secrets you whisper to them, the stories of your burden, and they guard that secret forever. It’s the only thing they can do for you.

When witches mourn, nature mourns with them. Eunbin watches as the weather starts to follow your lead. Thunderstorms darken the skies for days on end, the blighting thunder lighting up your face. She watches as flowers start to wilt at your touch, how your tears make the rain knock at your window like an old friend. You only let her in at night, when the moon watches over you both, heightened magic coursing through your veins. You’re always stronger at night. It’s a trait you passed on to your first creation, the werewolves. The very first curse you ever casted.

“All you witches can do is destroy and demolish.”

Mark is very right.

Eunbin moves to hold you close, but she could very well hold a desk plant. Or a lamp. You never stir in her hold, as motionless as an inanimate object. Once, you had helped her through a very similar phase. The world had come crashing down on Kwon Eunbin the day she lost Yeeun. Nature had suffered under her sorrow, flooding streets and cities as you had desperately tried to anchor Eunbin in the waves trying to drown her. In a sense, witches are very selfish.

She believes you’re anything but.

“(y/n),” she mumbles. The ground groans below her when she shifts her weight, the old wood barely doing its’ job. “Please talk to him.”

You laugh, but it’s void of emotion. Eunbin can’t recognize her best friend in that sound, the woman she considers a sister. You’re like a poltergeist, born out of heartbreak. “And break up the pack because of my stupid feelings?” You scoff. “Sure. Because I couldn’t possibly be more egoistic than that.”

“You’re suffering.”

“I feel like I’m dead, Eunbin.” It’s quiet for a very long time. You finally move, the life returning to your limbs. You twist and turn, clinging to her body like a toddler in need of affection. She graps that chance, embracing you tightly, her arms forming a cage. If that bothers you, you don’t complain. “Just dead. I can barely feel anything. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me - every second I spend thinking about us separated... It’s a vicious cycle. I can’t get any rest. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve been.”

Eunbin knows about the tales of the children of the moon. How the moon had turned away from the witches and gave her attention to the ones who needed it most, and she gifted the wolves with all her blessings. The promise of a life-changing love, returned in full. Two souls connected by fate. Kindred spirits finding their way back to each other.

But it couldn’t be. No, absolutely impossible.

Eunbin thinks about Yeeun. She thinks of a big, grey wolf, giving her life for Eunbin, fulfilling a promise untold. And she reconsiders.

Some people aren’t meant to be seperated. Eunbin wonders if a long time ago, someone had written your story into the stars, moonlight-tipped fingers connecting your soul to another. Destined to be with the boy with the unruly, blue hair.

It’s been sometime since she last visited the Dream frat. Maybe it was time to return.

— ❦ —

Never in your life has someone thrown stones at your window. You must admit, the experience is more scary than romantic, and you curse all the movies in existence that made you think this was cute. It’s almost embarrassing that some minerals knocking against glass is the reason you snap out of your trance, but you try and pin-point the blame on the fact that nobody’s ever done this before.

A stone flies past your cheek when you open the window. You almost scream.

“Oh my god, (y/n)! I’m so sorry!”

The voice is oddly familiar - and the instant remedy to your vicious cycle. All the sleepless nights melt away as you peak down and look Na Jaemin in the face, a big smile on his lips. Something inside your soul finally clicks and rests, never moving again. Not until something makes the boy below your window walk away. “What the hell?” you exclaim. “What are you doing here?”

Jaemin spreads his arms. “Giving you your reward, of course.”

Guilt pools in your stomach, almost as overwhelming as the happiness that floods you at the realization that he’s really here. Sweet Jaemin, with the honest eyes and heavenly smile. The one you hurt terribly... “Jaemin, you can’t be-“

“Move away from the window, baby,” he interrupts you. Irritated, you lean away; shouldn’t he be angry with you? Upset or disappointed? He’s not even listening to you, but it seems like there is no reason to. Something claws at your window, swinging in without fear.

Now, you really do scream. The rocks were one thing, but Jaemin climbing through your window? This apartment complex is huge, for god’s sake. Did he just scale the side of the building? “Jaemin!” you hiss. “What the hell...”

You never get to finish your sentence. The wolf boy tackles you, pushing you on your bed as he firmly embraces you and rests his head on your chest. Like he’s supposed to be there. Not like you’ve been avoiding him for weeks because Mark Lee was going to rip your head out if you even breathed in the direction of Jaemin. His arms are locked around your waist, holding you there. You’re effectively trapped.

You can’t complain.

Jaemin hums in content when you hug him back, and he eases his weight off of you so you can move and sling your legs around his waist. He nuzzles his face against your throat, breathing in deeply. “Missed this,” he mumbles. “Missed you.”

You let him tug your shirt up so he can rest his hands on your naked waist. It’s like giving him a gift - his eyes light up in giddiness when he finally touches you, feels the warmth of you below his fingertips again. A child seeing the presents on christmas morning. “Missed you, too.” You bite your lip. “But aren’t you mad?”

He ignores you for a very long time. Instead, the man between your legs bunches your shirt up and covers your stomach with his own hand, as if he can’t believe you’re actually there. Beneath his skin. Holding him close. You would’ve never realized that Na Jaemin would be in disbelief of a girl wanting him, but look at him now. Your heart soars at the admiration in his eyes, and they meet yours when your pulse speeds up. It makes a smirk adorn his lips; he’s satisfied with the effect he has on you. For a moment, he looks down again, to the place where your hands hold his against your body. “Did you know that your little witch friend can be really vocal?” he says, ignoring your question completely. Lips leave a trail of heat down your skin as Jaemin traces the outline of your jugular vein. “She looks fairly small, but you should’ve seen her when she scolded the hell out of Mark. Really funny, actually. Wish she would’ve done it sooner...”

“Eunbin?” you inquire, puzzled. “What would Eunbin want with Mark Lee?”

Jaemin stops leaving kisses on you, sadly. He raises his head to look at you, offering you a look right into his soul. You see where the moon had fallen in love with Jaemin, where the lines of human and wolf blurred. Memories that gather and bundle, a messy clutter of emotions. But beneath it all, you find the boy you’ve fallen in love with. In his eyes, you find salvation.

The blankets rustle when Jaemin moves on top of you. He shifts his weight, gripping your waist a little bit tighter to hold you closer. When your chests meet, your hearts start syncing up, shaping a melody of their own. A few moments pass as both Jaemin and you concentrate on it; concentrate on where love meets forgiveness.

It’s weird. When Jaemin had just been an unknown face, you never managed to read him. Now, he’s like an open book that he pulled out himself for you. Put it on your lap and asked you to read it to him, as if he doesn’t know what’s inside it. In your hands lies his heart. Does he know that he’s clutching yours? You hope so.

“Well, you see.” Jaemin presses a kiss to your cheek. “She came in really calmly, actually. Wanted to see me and confirm something. Renjun was about to call for me, but Mark interfered... she brought herself into a lot of danger, coming to our house when she’s a witch. She did it for you. Told Mark that I should talk to you, and he in turn told her it’s best if you stay several continents away from me... I broke his nose for that.”

“Jaemin!”

He shrugs. “Eunbin yelling at him was pretty nice, but not enough to settle my anger. You think I’m going to let him talk about my mate like that?”

This is it. The explanation you’ve been begging the stars for, the root of your vicious cycle. Your mouth falls open in shock. Jaemin watches, half amused, half expectant. Like he’s waiting for something. “You mean to tell me...”

“Yeah. Eunbin found that out. She came to ask me if it was true. It’s what Mark didn’t know, because I didn’t tell anybody except Jeno. You should’ve seen the look on Mark’s face...” Jaemin halts. Worry glazes over his eyes, and it takes you several seconds to understand that he’s worrying about you. “Baby, are you alright? You’re all pale. It’s alright if you reject me, don’t worry, as long as you’re hap...”

Jaemin is suprisingly easy to push down. Usually, you wouldn’t be able to pin down a wolf, but the shock gave you an advantage. Straddling him, you lean down and finally kiss Jaemin.

It’s the key to your cage. The funny tasting cure your mom brewed for the potion you accidentally drank. If sadness tastes like raspberry vodka and salty tears, happiness tastes like chapstick and chewing gum. It’s the only thing you register before Jaemin flips you over and kisses you breathless.

You had been shy, but Jaemin is ruthless. His canines tug at your lower lip, a silent order for you to obey and part your lips. If your fingers clawing at his shoulders hurts him, he certainly doesn’t mention it, too busy drowning in the overwhelming feeling of your tongue moving against his. When you finally push him away to catch your breath, the wolf feels like he got drunk off of you. “That’s one way to claim your prize,” he breathes out.

A long time ago, the moon had mercy on your poor soul. This is what had been waiting for you all your life, hidden in the looming shadows of the supernatural world. A soulmate, born to love and adore you. Destiny feels a little bit like contentment.

You can finally laugh as the wounds that had been inflicted on you heal over, making way for the only emperor of your heart. “This kiss isn’t the prize,” you reply. “You are.”

#this is a mess i’m sorry #lmao can y’all tell i was walking on the edge of involving some smut #physically had to restrain myself JSNSHSM #na jaemin #nct dream #nct #na jaemin x reader #nct dream x reader #nct x reader #na jaemin fluff #nct dream fluff #nct fluff #na jaemin one shot #nct dream one shot #nct one shot #na jaemin scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct scenarios

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tartrazeen · 4 years ago

Text

How DBH Leans Way Harder Into HankCon Than Father/Son

Listen.

I love you people who make Hank and Connor that whole platonic family thing. Totally you do you, that's fine, don't even worry about it.

For real - this isn't some ship war. It's a game. I even got some dad vibes from Hank before - oop, nope, we just went full daddy, didn't we. So this is not pitting two ideas against each other to see which one's better. They're both good. I massively prefer one, but I'm not saying either one is wrong.

I *am* saying the canon is geared towards their relationship being HankCon.

Putting my last analysis aside, this game's got a consistent pattern to it: the relationship comes to a conflict.

Can a machine be a person? Central conflict of the game. The relationship is between humans and androids externally, and androids and machines internally.

Can an android ever be a mom? Kara's story, with a conflict of "What's the worst that can happen?" It certainly leads to some bad decisions, and - just... the *worst* doctor's appointment.

Can an android be a human's son? Markus' story with its conflict of, "Is that bad?" And here, we get some subtle hints that Leo's not too thrilled, like when Markus gets shot in the face (#defundthepolice amirite? no seriously, wtf guys). Unlike Kara, Markus doesn't have a little "Family" bar showing for Carl, but not only do they openly say what they think, Markus' extended conflict towards this is questioning whether he was more than a slave in a gilded cage or a privileged rich kid now playing War Leader.

Can androids be a threat? There's some demonizing of Markus if he inexplicably gets mad that his people are being killed to death (with a beautiful analysis on that tone policing by dbh-rambling) , but yes, that relationship's in the Deviant Leader's story as Pacifist vs. Non-Pacifist.

Can androids love?

Oh boy.

The question of whether androids can be somebody's son (or daughter) is only actively and directly discussed in Markus' story, and in Kara's from the parent's POV. Family doesn't come up in Connor's except for one big moment and one big parallel: when Hank tells Machine!Connor that every time a Connor died, he thought of Cole, and when Daniel at the start has his whole thing of being replaced after thinking he was part of the family.

Those do not incite a conflict.

For Markus, Leo makes fun of the idea, leading to one of the plethora of opportunities we have to sad-kill his dad or allow Markus stand up for himself.

Zlatko mocks Kara and kidnaps Alice, and while Kara won't leave the house without her kid in tow (who warned you like a billion times to leave girl smh), the race is on to find this chick. Ralph straight up tries to force it if you go that route, again putting Kara and Alice's bond to the test. Same thing at the recycling plant and crossing the border: how far will Kara take this 'mom' thing is the conflict.

Ain't nobody pullin' that shit on Connor.

He's vaguely interested in Hank's 'personal problems' as it pertains to the case. Hank might open up a little about Cole. It's not discussed until the very end, and the theme of 'son' doesn't enter the picture until we *see* a picture at Hank's house, whereupon Connor says nothing about it. That's different from the other storylines, where that family theme appears (and gets talked about) pretty much right away.

Connor doesn't even connect with the idea of replacing a member of a family when he's facing off against Daniel at the start. He basically calls Daniel dumb for it, pre-Zlatko style. His one interest in the Cole situation is saying it's not Hank's fault, with his sincerity adjusted per the Machine! or Deviant! path. He's focused on Hank and Hank alone.

You know what else he's focused on?

"Androids can't feel anything."

"They're not 'technically' emotions."

"I'm a machine and machines don't want anything."

Markus doesn't question whether he can be in love. Kara is maybe surprised by the emotion of those two androids at Rose's house, but her love for Alice is out in the open several times. That's the one thing they feel confident about, and North is as quick to accept it (as the only relationship able to go to 'Lover') as Markus is if Kara explains to him why she's helping Alice. Even as he's mocking her, Zlatko doesn't question that Kara *thinks* she loves her daughter. He uses it against her. That's why these aren't conflicts: they're facts more than anything, taken for granted.

... You know who ain't takin' that shit for granted? And is instead - like, actively challenging every speckle of the concept?

"*smack* What am I to you, a statistic? A 'zero', a 'one' in your fucking program?"

"People are fucking insane. They don't want relationships anymore, everybody just gets an android."

"Those two girls wanted to be together. They really seemed in love."

And like Zlatko with Kara, we have 60 being all goddamn, "Now it's time to decide what matters most: him or the revolution."

That is a conflict.

Kara, Luther and Alice go to a happy little theme park and frolic on a merry-go-round.

Markus has a heart to heart with either Carl at his deathbed or just with Carl's grave, but always to seek advice.

Connor and Hank go to a fucking strip club advertised in their *first* chapter together and get into a bitchy quarrel about, "WHAT ARE YOU REALLY CONNOR, I SHOULD NOT HAVE ADDED A GUN TO THIS CONVERSATION (for real #defundthepolice)."

That is the relationship.

So to recap:

Testing Markus' family relationship with Carl incites a conflict with Leo about who Carl's son really is, eventually putting their lives on the line.

Testing Kara's family relationship with Alice incites a whole host of conflicts that put their lives repeatedly on the line.

Testing Connor's family relationship with Hank incites... uh... a 53-year-old bear calling a 30-year-old weaponized twink 'son' as Connor bleeds out in that one ending you get where you do nothing for two minutes you monster, or - at best - spurs Connor to follow the platonic love of putting a father figure over *the entire revolution and existence of his newly self-aware species* by using it to 'find each other' once Hank has to pick out the real Connor.

Testing Connor's romantic relationship with Hank incites Hank to *fucking kill himself* if you two aren't friends, him punching Perkins in the face if you *are* friends, variations on one your asses dangling off the side of a building or getting dropped/pushed right off of it, and having it listed as a full-on betrayal if you dare to stay a licky blood machine.

Look - Connor said it himself:

"I'm whatever you want me to be: your partner, your buddy to drink with, or just a machine programmed to accomplish a task."

*You do you*. If you see them as family, just make sure they're happy for me, please (and that you remember that even on the good ending, Connor has to murder a minimum of two guards to get through CyberLife so show his ass some respect).

... but.

But.

I mean, when even Clancy says they weren't father and son - not to appeal to the actors' POV or anything, but if that wasn't on the menu when Bryan whipped out a little "I adapt to human unpredictability" wink (that he apparently had to fight David Cage for) then whoa - that makes the idea of Hank and Connor's relationship being platonic less canon than the evidence *for* HankCon.

Besides that, if Markus and Kara *and* Connor are exploring those angles of platonic android and human families, in and around the willingness to explore overt romantic relationships among the androids, who do we have to explore a romance between a human and android?

;)

#detroit become human #hankcon #hannor #hank x connor #hank anderson #dbh connor #dbh markus #dbh kara #my stuff #good job tartra

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zuffer-weird-girl · 5 years ago

Text

Ok, im not feeling well but have some angsty *curls up in a ball while laying in the floor of my hide out*

"Don't make me lose my time with this. Go bother someone else. I have better things to get done."

Usually you would understand his reasons or even just smile at him in understatement.

But not today... all you wanted was just that Kai stoped just a little with his work to relax and just enjoy the little time you had of you guys anniversary, but he didn't even let you finish your question as he answered you harshly with that.

"Is it too much to ask for that you relax a bit? Just look at you, you're tense." You try to reason it.

He merely lifted an annoyed glance at you, cold and harsh just like his words.

"You're only worsening my case of health them if you keep prying like that."

That hurted. And even if you wanted to scream at that one, you still remained your compusture for his sake, and not to yell.

But this didn't mean that you would let it go...

"I only wanted to help Chisaki." You said between teeth, clenching your jaw even more at feeling the burn in your eyes "And also do you even remember what day i-"

"Just shut up." He threw his pen at his table with a growl while massaging his temples "Honestly, stop acting like a child and accept this for once, I am not going to comply to your stupid wishes." He said harshly, his words hurting more than he expected.

You felt a tear of yours falling from your eye as you breath in and out.

"You forgot what day it is today or something?" You asked, being completely ignored as he returned to writing "Kai. Please just liste-"

"Get out." He muttered darkly, making you wince but subsconciously mutter a question back at him.

"What..?"

"I said-" he lifted himself from his chair quite abruptly and pointed at the exit of his office " Get. Out. GET OUT OF HERE."

You stared at him in disbelief and sadness before breathing in again and nodding with a 'okay' before stopping by the doorframe.

"For your information, if it even its from your interest Overhaul." You grabbed the handle of the door before looking at him blurry due to your tears almost blinding your sign "Today was when we first met some years ago! And SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU! SO IM SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A PEST FOR WORRYINGOVER THE PERSON I LOVE DESPITE HIM DON'T GIVING A DAMN ABOUT IT!" You slammed the door before running out of the house, rubning furiously your eyes.

Stupid emotionless jerk! Why did you have to always be the smiling one anyway?!

He dropped his pen at hearing your last words and the furious 'slam' of the door before sighing in both annoyance and irritation...

Not at you.

Couldn't you just wait for a while? He was having a bad day already that all of his plans of making this day special had failed, more work was putted at his desk, and he just had to deal again with rappa wanting to 'defeat him', so he ended up fucking this day even more...

When he finished this he would apologize but for now he just couldn't... he had to calm down at least and let you cool your head as well.

You angrily walked past through the crowd of people as you sniffed and wiped your tears...

You glanced at some couples at the street, cringing at their touching and smilling lovely faces...

You sighed as you continue walking, while glancing behind you to comfirm that neither one of his precepts or even Chrono had spotted you lefting the base.

You just needed to be alone...

"My, my. Looks like I won the lottery." A man smirked down at your person while you merely stoped in front if him, preventing any possible bumping.

Ah no.

"Excuse me, but i am really not in the mood for talking." You said bitterly before trying to walk past him, but he suddenly grabbed your wrist and pushed you to a alley.

"Hey-! Let go of me!"

"Shut your fucking mouth little Overhaul's playtoy." The man growled with a sadistic smile while other two appeared right besides him.

You widened your eyes in horror, already understanding what this was about... this is what happened when you were too close with the members of the yakusa if you didn't were carefull...

Shit, that what was why Kai was so paranoid in the first place.

"Whatcha guys think? How much would that Overjerk pay to have this little thing back?" He smirked at both of his laughing partners.

Before you could even answer or understand what was going to happen you felt a sharp pain at the base of your neck before blacking out, the last thing you heard were those man laughter...

"Chrono? Have you seen (Y/N)?" Chisaki asked, hidding his worry before that stoic face of his.

He looked around the house for you for a bout a hour already, and no signs of your angelic persona...

"Not all day Overhaul. I'm sorry." Chisaki scoffed before he picked his cellphone and his worry and annoyance only grew even more at seing that you had no signs of it.

He tried calling for your number and lifted his eyebrows in sad shock that you had left your cellphone on the room.

"Mind me asking what happened boss?" Chrono asked, in pure sympathy and worry for his childhood friend.

"I had a fight with her. Nothing big about it."

"Right." Chrono said sarcastically.

He knew Chisaki for years already, and could see the pain and dare he say some soreness and regret in Kai's eyes. It was a rare sign, but it happened.

After all, you were truly special to him, anyone in the base could tell that, but only the ones who knew Chisaki could see how infatued and passionate he was with you.

"Overhaul?" Mimic's voice ringed, breaking both men's thoughts as Chisaki coldly stared at the man down, offering him the phone.

"There's this dude on the line wanting to talk about bussines with you."

"Say to them I'm busy." he growled in response as he tried again to think where would you have gotten.

Mimic spoked back before widening his eyes and looking at his boss with a certain uneasiness.

"Uh. Overhaul its REALLY important this one." Mimic said offering the phone again.

Chisaki lifted one of his eyebrows befkre sighing in annoyance and harshly grabbing the phone.

You gasped for breath the koment your head was oushed back out of the water. Coughing hysterically before finally gaining back the precious air in your lungs again.

The man laughed while holding his phone before looking at you for a moment, you not even noticing that he had aproached.

"Say sweetcheeks. How much will that leader would pay to have you back huh? Millions? Billions?"

You looked at him in rage and disgusted thorigh your blurry vision, thinking thorugh a moment.

He couldn't know that you were special for Kai, so you had to play a game for him to at least ease down his plan or even just to peace the yakusa for at least.

You pretended to laugh bitterly, not noticing due to your exaustation the phone close to your mouth.

"You're expecting way too much. Him? Overhaul care for me? He wouldn't even slare a single yen at me. Trust me. I'm just to show..." the guy didn't seemed pleased T your answer befkre he brought his phone close to his ear before comanding to take you out of there and chain you up.

"Have fun with her." He sadistically laughed and you merely gave out, feeling you being dragged to the wall...

"You're expecting way too much. Him? Overhaul care for me? He wouldn't even slare a single yen at me. Trust me. I'm just to show..."

He gripped at his shirt, just where his heart was... cringing in disgust at himself.

Did you really felt that way? Did you really thought that he cared so little for you?

"So that's what the chick said. But my mans here are going to have a bit of fun until you decides how kuch you're willing to pay us to have her back, or we can have her all to ourselves and we won't ever bother ya Overhaul."

He gripped his cellphone in a deadly grip before growling animalistic.

"Count. The fucking. Seconds." He threw it the ohone at the wall, making Chrono and Mimic to widen his eyes before wincing at the shout he gave them to follow him.

"I want all the eight precepts of death. On that damn place. No one will be spared on this genocide, but the responsible one is mine. Got it?"

"Yes master."

You cried out in pain at feeling both a burning cigarette in your upper warm while the painful cut down your jaw.

"I will give you one more chance miss. What are Overhaul's possesions and plans with the other minor gangs?"

You cried before looking at him and shouted with both anger and frustation.

"I already said I don't know! He doesn't let me know of those things!"

The worst part of this it was that half of it was true. But the little you know you wouldn't te anyway.

The guy tsked, aproaching at you, hanging from the wall by those chains, grabbing on your chin and lifting it up to meet his disgusting face.

"Such a pretty creature like ya shouldn't be in the hands of such a mobster ya know? Why won't you just-" he aproached his face closer to you before you spited on him, receiving a kick on your gut as a punishment.

The guy wiped it off with a maniac laugh and looked at you smilling sadistically.

"I like you. A feisty one." He aproached at you before lifting his hand, ready to slap it.

"But I guess you need some leasons to quiet do-" he suddenly stopped at hearing the wall falling and a bunvh of his subordinates screams.

You oppened one of your eyes weakly and mentally thanked the heavens at seing the sign in front of you.

The eight precepts of death... Kai must have sended them...

Suddenly your chains were cutted at you fell miserably on the ground, face planted on the old floor as you tried to get up to see what was going on.

You felt a hand checking your pulse before you heard Kurono's voice shouting that you were still alive.

You couldn't even answer Hari's or even Mimic's question at the time, all the energy you had, you used to lift your head and to focus on the sign in front of you.

Your boyfriend had aproached the man and punched from behind, making the guy fall in the ground... but he didn't stop on there. He continue kicking and lunching while screaming animalistic at the now unrecognizable face of your captor... broken nose and blood spilled on it.

Chisaki stopped suddenly, only to grab the man by the hem of his shirt and lift him up tl the air, extending his other bare hand before overhauling the guy only to out it back to do repeat his actions.

Before you knew it, you had used the remains of your strength to lift yourself up weakly... not catching what neither of the man around you were saying...

"..K... Ka..." you weekly whislered before managing to take one or two shaky steps...

You had lost a lot of blood... and you were all beaten up already... but you had to get to him...

When Kai overhauled the guy for the fifth time he noticed your shaky figurine aproaching him... his wide golden eyes meeting your weak yet beautiful (E/C) ones...

You smiled at him before muttering your last words before giving in your exaustation.

"You came for me..."

His shouts for your name and the feeling of his warm arms enveloping your frame,preventing you to fall, were the last thing you could cat h it for that day...

"M-Master Overhaul, She's in a very critical state, I wouldn't recommend you to use your quirk... at least not yet, just wait until she regains her conciousness and some of the blood... but I don't think that it will... w-well, be soon..."

He nodded numbly, eyes still focused on your figurine on the bed... all patch it up.

"Dismissed." He ordered bitterly. The koment the old man left the room he took a seat close to your bed and took your hand on his.

"...angel. Those sick people are going to pay. I promise... but... even if you only come back to despise me, to shout at me... please do it... just come back..." he felt the disgusting warm liquid slide from his eyes and fall into your hand.

"I-I can't... don't go now... angel, please..." he shakily lowered his head while bringing your much smaller hand betwen his glived ones up.

"Please don't leave me in the dark.... you're the only reason why I see light in this miserable life of mine... just..." he sobbed while gripling into your hand tighter "Come back...please just come back..."

You groggily opened your eyes, trying to focus your sign to at least have a understatement of where you were at the moment.

First you felt the comforting sheets beneath your palm... the fluffiness of the pillow you were laying on... the feeling of something sticking through your skin and veins... then finally noticing the machine monitoring your heartbeat with the constant beep and the half bag of blood hanging above you.

Ah.. now you remembered...

You winced when you tried to move, with a lot of force you manage to at least lay your back on the matress and stare at the window at your side.

It was a... rather beautiful day outside....

You took another look in the room and immediately relaxed at noticing it was one of the yakuza's house rooms you were in...

You heard the muffled voices of both Pops and Chrono soeaking aling with some steps.

"Kai please my boy, you haven't eaten nothing for at least three days straight. Only getting out of that room to shower."

"I can look at them while you take a break Chisa-" both voices suddenly stopped... you guessed it was because Kai had sended them a glare.

You smiled weakly yet worriedly... how long did you slept?

"We will bring something for you later then. Come Kurono." The elder spoked before you heard the sigh of your boyfriend before creaking the door open.

... dear god...

He looked... horrible. Bags under his eyes... he surely had losted more weight and to complete that tired... defeated, depressed look on his eyes.

He was constantly looking at the ground, still not noticing you were awake still.

He closed the door before locking it, hitting his forehead shortly after with a sigh.

"K... Kai?" You manage to croak out, making him jump before he abruptly turned his chest to you.

His eyes were wide open as he stared at you... disbelief clearly on his face.

You weakly giggled before forcing out a few more words.

"H-How long did I-" befire you could even finish your sentence Chisaki just walked to you and beought you to a crushing hug, yet still carefull with the neddles.

He breath in your scent before shakily sighing, it was not only fine woth him because he was always monitoring your cleaning abits while unconscious, but the kist important of all.

You were there. You were here. Breathing. Talking.

"K-Kai?"

"My angel..." he sighed in relief, still not believing that he was crying tears of joy "For a second I thought that... that I had..."

"No... I am going to be a pain in your ass forever." You giggled at your own joke but immediately stopped at seing the... defeated and hurted look of your boyfriend.

He grabbed your fa e between his gloved ones before nuzzling his covered nkse in your head.

"I am such a fool... I heard all of what you thought I think of you... angel Im so sorry, I should never had let out my frustations on you, I did know what day was I swear on my soul but I just had to finish those things before I could even-"

"Kai, its okay." He looked at you in disbelied but still broke st that sweet smile of yours.

"I was pretending... I know how much you care love, you never fail to make me see that..."

He shook his head abruptly before he grabbed your hand harshly and aimed at his own head.

"No. You can't just forgive me that easy. Please angel, I hurt you, I was the responsible for this. Just hit me with all you've got... I deserve worst..."

You went to deny but he just keep pressing your palm against his covered cheek over and over again.

"Do it. Its a order." He growled before he let go of your hand and closed his eyes, already expecting.

You simply stared at it... before you sighed and simply pressed gently your palm against his cheek and carresed your thumb gently his cheek.

He widened his eyes while furrowing his eyebrows, looking at you as you trailed your hand up to his hair.

"Why should I..?" You smiled sweetly at him, nlt stoping your gsntle actions.

"Stop this..." he said shakily, gripping the bedsheets and onto his leg. "Stop acting like none of that happened. I am the responsible for this." He growled while finally managing to look at your eyes.

"Stop being so kind goddammit... not with me... not with me out of all people in this sick planet..."

"... why should I stop?" You trailed your hand down his jaw again, catching the hate towards himself on his eyes.

"I just sayed it. Don't play dumb with me..."

"I'm not..." you sayed softly.

"Stop." He said shakily, not flinching away from your hand since he was craving it for two three days already.

"I love you... thank you for coming back to rescue me."

"Stop this dammit!" He said sternly before rubbing one of his eyes intensely "I can't understand you... I can't."

He rested his head in your shoulder while you smiled at his action, despite the sadness, and hugged hin tight ignoring the pain.

"Don't be so kind-! Dammit... I can't understand you (Y/n)... why this had to hurts so much...?" He got up to craddle your face between his hand after he took his mask off and stared deel at your soul.

"Why? After all I've done?"

"... I love you. Simple as that."

He breath in shakily before crashing his lips in yours, not even thinking straigjt, just wanting to feel you against him...

"Angel... my angel I swear on my soul that I love you so much more." He said between kisses, he trailed from your mouth to your cheeks, nose, chin and for last your forehead...

You smiled in pure joy... despite the pain..

The devil smiled teary back before returning his actions... after all, he almost losed his angel,.. so he was going to show, despite feeling slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable at first, his precious little piece of heaven how important she was to him.

"W-Wait don't you have to wor-" he muffled your words with a deep kiss before murmuring in your cheek lowly before returning his assault to your lips.

"Screw work."

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #overhaul headcanons #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki kai x reader #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #bnha chisaki #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #bnha imagines #my writing #zuffer writings

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cali-holland · 5 years ago

Text

Defying Gravity- Tom Holland One Shot

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Requested by Anon: tom x reader where she's having her Broadway debut as Elphaba in Wicked? thank youuuuuu

Prompt: Your Broadway debut as Elphaba in Wicked makes you come to terms with your feelings for your best friend’s brother.

Word Count: 2400

Featured Songs: As Long As You’re Mine ~ No Good Deed ~ Defying Gravity

Warning: Swearing

A/N: musical people please don’t come @ me for this, i love the music for wicked but i’ve only seen it once on youtube

Masterlist Tom Holland Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

“Just for this moment, as long as you’re mine, come be how you want to, and see how bright we shine, borrow the moonlight until it is through,” You held out the long note as you continued to work around the kitchen, putting away the dishes.

“God, Harry, did you have to get such an annoying best friend?” Tom groaned, walking into the kitchen in search of some lunch.

“You’re just jealous you’re not on Broadway.” Harry laughed from his spot at the island, taking a bite of his sandwich. You flipped Tom off, continuing to sing your song loudly, just for him.

“And know I’ll be here, holding you as long as you’re mine,” You sang, finishing off the song. “Fuck off, Tom, I need to keep my vocal chords in good shape.”

“Yeah, yeah, vocal chords.” He rolled his eyes, getting himself a sandwich.

“Sorry, I just forget you don’t realize how tasking it is to be in a musical.”

“Excuse you, I was in-”

“I swear if you say-”

“Billy Elliott.” Tom said smugly.

“You seriously cannot compare your ballet musical at 14 to Wicked on Broadway.” You said, making him scoff. Harry just laughed to himself, enjoying his front row seat to yet another fight between you and Tom.

You had been friends with Harry for as long as you could remember, and, for as long as you could remember, you had hated Tom. Okay, maybe not hated, but you strongly disliked him. You two had always been extremely competitive with each other; whether it was a friendly football match that turned into you aiming the ball at his balls after he cheated or him kicking you while you played video games with him and Harry after you’d killed him off, everything was a competition. He seemed to do everything in his way to inconvenience you, and you did it right back to him- which included him crashing some of your dates and you ruining his flirting attempts with other girls. When he went off to become a famous actor, you managed to start landing a few roles at the West End, which then became playing Elphaba in Wicked on Broadway.

And the rivalry between the two continued into your careers. Mainly because he made musicals seem so trivial (“you’re just dancing around on stage” “that’s rich coming from Billy Elliot”), when you argued that they were much more difficult than films. In all reality though, Tom knew you were right because you had to memorize an entire script and stage setting without ruining the whole musical, and there were no reshoots in musicals.

Your apartment lease ended just as you got the Broadway role, so you needed a place to stay for a couple weeks before rehearsals began. Harry was more than welcome to let you stay at his place, which also meant living with Tom for the time being. Your best friend was the only thing that made it bearable.

“Okay, okay, stop. Tom did a musical, Y/N’s doing a musical now. Done.” Harry said, finishing his sandwich and standing up. “Y/N, when do rehearsals start?”

“Two weeks, but my flight’s next week.”

“Thank God,” Tom mumbled, making you roll your eyes at him and you turned back to your friend with a smile.

“Will you be out for opening night?” You asked.

“Of course. I’m not missing your Broadway debut. Catch us in the front row.” Harry smiled proudly.

“Us?” His brother questioned.

“Yeah, mum got all of us tickets already.”

“Your mum’s the sweetest.” You replied, touched that she had gotten tickets for your big show already so far in advance.

“What if I don’t want to go and see you play dress up as the good witch?” Tom piped up. Harry sighed while you let out a groan.

“I’m Elphaba, you dipshit.” You said, but you could tell that meant nothing to Tom. “The Wicked Witch?”

“Oh, perfect for you.” He laughed.

“Whatever, I’m leaving.” You stepped out of the kitchen to go shower, leaving the two brothers there.

“Do you not realize how big of a deal this is?” Harry questioned his older brother, who simply just shrugged. “Not only is Y/N starring on Broadway, but she is playing one of the hardest roles in a musical. Think about how big of a deal it was that Far From Home passed a billion, that’s how big this is for Y/N. She was there for you at the London premiere, too, so the least you could is be there for her opening night. That or just get over your annoying crush on her.” Harry shook his head at his brother before exiting the kitchen.

Tom pouted and finished eating his lunch alone. Making his way upstairs to his room, he paused in his path when he heard you singing from the shower in the bathroom.

~~~

“One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention. Was I really seeking good, or just seeking attention?,” You sang powerfully, stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around your body. Looking around the bathroom for your change of clothes, you continued, “Is that all good deeds are, when looked at with an ice-cold eye? If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why, no good deed goes unpunished,” You let out a small sigh, realizing you’d forgotten your clothes. You opened the door and jumped in surprise, seeing Tom on the other side of the door.

“What the fuck?” You exclaimed, pulling your towel tighter around you. Tom froze like a deer in headlights, his ears and cheeks turning pink as he realized you stood only in a towel.

“Were you singing in there?” He asked, shaking his head a little. “Is there a talk setting or do you just sing everything?”

“If I sang everything, that’d be an opera.” You deadpanned.

“What was that song you were singing?” He asked, making you raise your eyebrows at him in confusion. It wasn’t usual for him to make small talk with you, especially when you were all but naked.

“”No Good Deeds”.” You stated. “Why do you care?”

“Sounded depressing. Do you always sing sad shit in the shower?”

“Were you listening to me sing in the shower?” You questioned, and he just scoffed, rolling his eyes, before walking away.

“Weird.” You muttered to yourself, even more confused by his behavior than you had been.

A couple days later, you were packing and getting ready for your move to New York. Most of your stuff had remained packed from when you moved into Harry’s house a couple weeks ago, but now you had to do the last few things before your big move across the Atlantic. With the Wicked soundtrack from Spotify playing in the background, you sang along to the music while kneeling and packing your clothes up.

“I really hope you get it, and you don’t live to regret it, I hope you’re happy in the end, I hope you’re happy my friend,” You paused your packing, holding out the long note, not noticing Tom, standing in the doorway.

“Damn.” He said quietly, making you jump and immediately pause your music.

“Do you need something?” You asked, slightly out of your breath from the intensity of the song.

“No, just- I’m impressed.” He replied, “I didn’t realize you could sing like that.”

“How the hell would I have gotten this role if I couldn’t sing?”

“Harry said it was a hard role. I didn’t actually think it was. I thought it was more of a little white lie to make it seem more impressive.” Tom explained.

“Why would Harry lie to you about the magnitude of this role?” You looked at him quizzically.

Tom came further into your room and casually sitting on your bed, “You gonna finish the song?”

“I’m sorry, you want me to keep singing?” Your jaw dropped from his words. Never had you witnessed him being so interested in you or musicals before.

“Well, yeah, gotta keep your vocal chords in good shape, right?” He replied with a shrug and a smile.

“Alright, it’s just the end, so it’s loud with a lot of high notes.”

“Go for it. If I’m going to be there front row on opening night, might as well get a sneak peek.” He laughed. You turned back to packing, still glancing at him suspiciously out of the corner of your eyes. You started your music again to continue, it picked up tempo for the big ending.

“So if you care to find me, look to the western sky! As someone told me lately, "Everyone deserves the chance to fly!" And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free, to those who ground me, take a message back from me, tell them how I am defying gravity! I'm flying high, defying gravity! And soon, I'll match them in renown, and nobody in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring me down! Bring me down! Oh!” You finished the song and looked over to Tom.

“Shit, that’s a high note.”

“This is probably the most nerve-wracking song.” You admitted.

“You’ll be great. Don’t worry.” Tom smiled proudly at you from your bed, making a strange feeling of butterflies hit your stomach. Maybe you didn’t hate him after all.

After that, Tom didn’t talk to you much. There were no arguments between the two of you, which Harry was grateful for. It wasn’t until the night before you left that you really talked to him again- or well, the early morning before. With the alarm informing you it was already 3 AM, you groaned, knowing your nerves weren’t going to let you catch any sleep. You slid out of your bed and made your way into the kitchen. You stopped in the doorway, not expecting to see Tom rummaging through the pantry.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Nerves are keeping me up.” You sighed.

“You’re going to do great on Broadway. You’ll be the next Idina Menzel.” Tom smiled at you reassuringly before grabbing out a box of cookies from the pantry and eating some.

“Oh, so you know who Idina Menzel is now?” You teased, taking a cookie for yourself.

“Well, I realized I was kind of being a dick about the whole thing so I looked it up, and,” He paused momentarily, letting out a shaky breath, “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” You smiled, “And you were being a dick, but I wasn’t really helping either.”

“Is this our form of a truce?” He asked with a laugh.

“Guess so.” You nodded. You leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room with a short, “Good night, Tom.” and leaving him to wonder what just happened. Going back to bed, you smiled, still not even really understanding your actions- you just really wanted to kiss him.

~~~

You didn’t see Tom again before leaving for New York, which just made you even more concerned about opening night. You’d already arranged with Harry to go out with him and his family immediately following the show for a celebratory dinner. Over the 8 week period of rehearsals, you’d come to terms with your feelings for Tom- you didn’t hate him, you were in love with him, and that scared you. You didn’t know how he felt about you at all, and you just hoped that the dinner would go smoothly.

While on stage, all the nervous thoughts of opening night and of Tom went away as you acted and sang your heart out; you really felt like you could defy gravity. After the show, you washed away all the electric green makeup and changed into regular clothes. You smiled, receiving a text from Harry ‘We’re at the side door’ complete with a smiley face. You rushed out of the theater and were immediately wrapped up in your best friend’s arms.

“You killed it! I’m so proud of you!” Harry gushed happily.

“You were amazing!” Nikki smiled, hugging you next. Dom, Paddy, and Sam were next to congratulate you. You smiled, feeling bashful from all the kind words. Your breath caught in your throat when your eyes finally landed on Tom.

“You came.” You teased.

“It seemed like a dick move not to.” Tom joked as you hugged him. He whispered quietly in your ear, “Idina Menzel’s got nothing on you.”

“Not true, but thank you.” You laughed, turning back to Harry, “Where we going for dinner? I’m starving.”

Harry beamed, telling you about this great burger place he’d found on Yelp. As the seven of you sat down at the restaurant, Nikki spoke up to you about the musical.

“I have to admit, “Defying Gravity” nearly made me cry. You sounded so wonderful.” She enthused, making you blush.

“Yeah, that was definitely my favorite part.” Tom admitted with a small wink.

“You crushed it with “No Good Deeds”, just all of it. I’m so proud of my best friend, you’re gonna be a Broadway star.” Harry smiled, pulling you in for a side hug.

“Thank you. I got a whole year of doing this, so I’d hope tonight was great.” You joked. Once the celebration had ended, you hugged all of the Hollands goodbye on the curb of your apartment complex since they had to get back to their hotel.

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up.” Tom told his family, nervously shifting his weight on his feet. You curiously looked between him and Harry, and Tom raised his eyebrows at his brother, seemingly trying to get the younger one to encourage them to give you two some space.

“So,” You started, waiting for Tom to begin a conversation now that his family was a decent ways away.

“You really were incredible out there.” He stated and you nodded, beckoning him to continue. You leaned in a little, hopeful he’d get the hint and make the move. After a moment of him just smiling and staring at you, you rolled your eyes.

“Are you going to kiss me or not?” You asked. Tom’s hand came to your cheek, cupping it softly as he pulled your lips to his. He continued to kiss you passionately until you breathlessly pulled away with a small sigh.

“I should get back to the others.” He said, disappointment clear in his voice.

“Probably.” You laughed lightly. Tom kissed you one last time, before pulling away from you.

“Good night, Y/N.” He smiled, turning around to walk back towards his family, who were all conveniently waiting a couple blocks down.

“So you finally kiss her?” Harry asked his older brother teasingly once that reunited.

“Maybe.” Tom replied, but his slightly swollen lips and apparent blush on his cheeks gave it all away. He was definitely defying gravity.

#tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n

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ishouldbestudyingprobably · 5 years ago

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Hey uh- could i request another barley x reader? the previous one was so cute! maybe some sort of date night one-shot? whatever you chose!❤️

Thank you so much for requesting!! I’m gonna become the CEO of Barley fanfics LOL! (I’d gratefully take that title tho)

To put you on a bit of context, this takes place AFTER the movie unlike my previous one-shot, of course I’ll try to keep it as spoiler free as possible considering the movie is going to come out to Disney + in just a few days and some of you haven’t seen it yet, but maybe I slip something so, please beware.

Also, I have been reading more fanfics in English recently and noticed they are written in a you-did-this-and-said-that way instead of how we do them in Spanish; I’ll be continuing to them in my way unless you guys tell me it annoys you or something.

WELL, SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU WAITING, LET’S GET TO IT! ALSO THIS IS SO LONG SORRY--

(Y/N) definitely had no idea how she ended up on the Lightfoot’s home. Now, listen, it’s not that she didn’t like them ‘cause she as hell did it was just confusing considering a few hours prior to that she was just walking around the neighborhood.

“Ian, come on! Show her your magic!” Barley was having a hard time since he was trying so hard to make his little brother show the girl how his magic worked and poor Ian was shy about it, sure his confidence had been boosted but, come on, that was way too much pressure.

“Barley it’s okay, really, I believe you. I bet it’s amazing and you guys make an incredible team together. Let Ian go.” the girl chuckled seeing as the smaller elf smiled thankful and made his way out of the room feeling relieved.

“What? No! Ian get back here!!” see, the boy with a cast on his arm was hoping to use his brother as an excuse to have the female the longest time possible by his side, he was definitely going to ask her on a date but needed that boost of confidence being in a room with people gave.

Although now that they were alone he wouldn’t lie saying it wasn’t enjoyable, but soon that intimate moment of piece was to be broken by the young girl standing up making the bed rigid on the side she had been sitting on.

“This was... fun. But I really should get going home, my family would be worried plus it’s lunch time and... You know.” (Y/N) tried to excuse herself as politely as possible seeing as how she didn’t want to give the impression she wasn’t having fun and didn’t enjoy the presence of the older son of the Lightfoot’s family. Barley soon realized he had to jump now and ask her out or he’d never get the chance to. “Would you like to meet me? Alone? Maybe drive around, have dinner...” the boy put on his widest smile as if that were going to make her accept his invitation.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you... Asking me out? On a date? Tonight?” the girl replied trying to hide her grin while putting a strand of her voluminous hair behind her pointy ear which had efficiently caught the male’s attention. “I wouldn’t call it a date, more like a quest to make you fall in love with me because I totally am and it would be pretty cool if you did as well? But, you could always call it a date, I wouldn’t correct you even though you’re completely wrong.” that was enough to make the small elf chuckle which made Barley’s heart skip a few beats.

“It’d be a pleasure to help you complete this quest oh-so-awesome Barley Lightfoot. How about 8? No need for formal clothes, quests don’t require suits or dresses.” now it was him who was chuckling, how couldn’t he? His friend had never ever ever played his favourite roleplaying game yet always tried her best to make as much references to it without completely failing at the process, it was adorable. “8 sounds amazing. Farewell, oh-so-cool-to-play-games (Y/N) (S/N).”

And so the time came and the bell started ringing; one, two, three, four times and just as the fifth was about to made itself present the girl rushed to the door “Okay, okay got it! I’m coming!” grabbing the door handle she opened it revealing the young elf wearing a suit -well, a modified one since the sleeves of his jacket were completely gone and decided to wear jeans with the suit, formal for sure- contrasting with her usual clothing. “We said no dressing up!” the boy just shrugged and clearing his throat he moved to the side revealing Guinevere 2 in all its glory. “Shall we get going?” the girl smiled and gladly accepted getting out and making sure to close the door.

They made their way to the van and Barley hurried to open the door of the passenger seat bowing as his friend got inside and closed the door trying -and failing- to hide his smile. As soon as they were both seated the boy opened her mouth and took a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “So, (Y/N)... I hope your ready for our quest because I’ve been planning this all day!” slowly the boy opened the folded paper showing a drawn map of different places in Mushroomton that he thought would be of interest and appropriate for a date surprising his companion in the process. “Did you realy do that? That’s so impressive…” the male just smiled and motioned for her to hold the map and turned on the engine.

“Now my incredible partner, tell me, which is the first stop?” he couldn’t help the excitement his tone glad everything was going according to plan at the moment.

“Uhm, well, the exciting-full-of-teenagers house of fun?” what kind of name was that? The drawing didn’t really gave much about the place either, not only because his art skills weren’t exactly… Clear?

But because he modified them to be fitting on the Quests of Yore world. “Heading there!” and just like that the car drive began. They both were constantly talking and joking, it may have been a date-quest thing but after all they were still friends, why would they be quiet?

When they finally arrived to the place she got out the car excited to see what it was about and found a luminous neon sign indicating the entry to the arcade.

“The arcade was the exciting-full-of-teenagers house?” again the elf just shrugged grinning which made the female roll her eyes. “Amazing! I’m actually thinking this is going to be the greatest day of my life…”

What can I say? Videogames were definitely something they both were extremely good at and that sparked a tiny competition between them. Driving games? You bet! That knock the clown game that’s always typically seen in carnivals at those cheesy romantic movies? Yup! In the end they decided to count the tickets each one got to decide a winner.

“I’ve got… 238 tickets, how about you, Lightfoot?” the boy didn’t seem happy and (Y/N) soon knew he was dreading his defeat. “I got 197....” mockery could be heard from the female’s lips before they cut off the rivalry and decided to combine both of their tickets getting 435 tickets which were enough for…

“A unicorn rubber?!” the girl sighed as they were gettin in the car again. “I hate this stupid games, they’re fun but you alway have to win around a billion tickets to actually WIN something.” she continued ranting, something Barley found really entertaining but cut her off mid sentence as they were running out of time. “When did you have to get home?” it effectively cut her off. There was a small silence

before she could respond “Around 10 I believe, you know how they are…” he just nodded and looked at his watch; it was 9:17 meaning they had to do a shortcut on their plans.

“Okay, we’re runnin out of time, skip the following two places and tell me the next one after them.” she did as asked and traced the drawn road with her fingers. “It says brainwash.” an odd name for sure.

“Brainwash it is.”

Of course, brainwash was referring to movies, they were going to watch a movie specifically a drive in movie, is there anything more romantic than that? No.

“Barley… This is so sweet, thank you! What movie are they playing?” turning her head towards the giggly boy she asked nothing but amusement in her face. “No idea. I’m gonna go grab popcorn, make yourself comfortable on top of Guinevere 2, please.” just like that he was gone and (Y/N) had a new adventure, finding the way she could get on the van’s roof.

After a while Barley got back with a huge stack of popcorn finding her loved one on the roof, smiling to himself he admired all of her features. Soon he got on top shaking the oh-so-special van on the process. “Here’s the popcoooorn!” he announced with an excited tone and put them between him and the girl.

The movie was ten minutes in and no noise was heard but the sound of chewing popcorn. Leaning in the female asked in the boy’s ear “Do you like this movie?” he replied in a whisper “No it’s so boring.” that’s when they both started laughing being shushed by the cars around them. “Let’s get out of here. We still have twenty minutes left.” Without bothering to take the popcorn they both walked north finding a calm forest where they laid on the grass looking at the sky. “So, Barley, is it true? That you like me?”

That was a very direct question he definitely wasn’t prepared for “Well, of course it is! You’re an incredible girl, an incredible friend and I bet you’d be an incredible girlfriend!” the girl chuckled making Barley’s heart melt. And then, he asked “Do you like me?”. Silence hurts, so much, but before any assumption could be made she replied “Yes, of course I do.”

Silence again.

“So, have you completed your quest now?” (Y/N) curiously asked. “I still have one more thing to do.” and, the kiss came.

QUEST COMPLETED.

Oh boy was that long... Hope you enjoyed your request and for everyone else, request! Don't be shy!

TAGLIST:

@ferox-imagines @s-ferox

#onward x reader #onward #barley lightfoot x reader #barley x reader #barley lightfoot #barley #ian lightfoot #ian #onward barley

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